Are You Playing On a Level Field?

This is week 9 for me in social distancing.   So how’s it going? 

Actually I thought I knew until I went into a break out room on a zoom call . We were told to start with a few words on how we’re doing right now.  My ‘roommate’ said she was physically fine but it often felt like she was having an ‘out of body experience’.  She’s having trouble staying focused and some days is totally unmotivated to do anything.  My turn and I said that I’m physically fine (well – as physically fine as I ever am). I’m missing the physical contact with people, the face to face relationship with someone other than my husband.  But then I heard myself saying, “Actually, I’m doing quite well in some respects”.  The light bulb went on and I thought, “Yes, that’s sort of true”.

And that’s because my day to day life feels easier than it has in a long time. I’ve lived with chronic and unpredictable debilitating health for decades and for the first time, and without my noticing it, it seems like I’m playing on a level field. 

I started my virtual coaching practice 20 years ago because I’d come to the painful realization that it was the only option if I wanted to keep working. Drug therapies had slowed the progression of multiple sclerosis and surgery ended the ulcerative colitis but I still lived with a very unreliable body.  Once I came to terms with my frustration and sadness, I could see a crack that let the light in to show me how lucky I was that this was even feasible.  It’s a good thing, too, since as the years went on, it became increasingly clear I couldn’t have held a day job with strict requirements beyond my home office. 

The flip side to that flexibility is the part of my life where it’s not typically possible to connect virtually. For much of my adult life, I’ve devoted some portion of my ‘work life’ to social justice and community organizing.  And that relies on face to face connection and showing up.  So, in that space and in my personal life, I’ve continued to wrestle with the frequent internal debates of should I, can I , what’s the cost  that are so familiar to fellow travelers. 

But right now and who knows for how long, that’s not the case.  The only thing limiting my participation in a meeting or event is time. Hey, that’s true for healthy people, too, isn’t it?  Living in a Pandemic has leveled the playing field – – at least for me and all those who live with physically debilitating health.

But although I’m on equal footing in this way, not everyone is.  What’s improving my life isn’t necessarily good for others, such as those who have gotten sick and lost their health and even their lives, those who must leave home to work to survive, those who have lost jobs because they everyone else is staying at home, and those without access to sufficient technology to bring this virtual world into their home.

Sadly, we don’t live in a world where the field is ever level for everyone.  The awful truth is that there are and always will be people who are in a more vulnerable position than others when bad things happen. 

Is it important to realize that some of us are more vulnerable when faced with the havoc and destruction of Covid-19?  Or any other life changing event?  I believe it is because if we ignore that, we stay content with the world as it is with no aspiration for what could be.   

Here’s what I am grateful for today:  

1. Having the financial and social resources that allow me to live as I do with all its privileges.
2. Playing on a more level field, even if temporary, regarding whether I ‘show up’.

It helps me to find the crack to let the light in so I can tap into my internal resource of resilience.

So, how are you doing in the time of Pandemic?