This spring, I’ve had miserable headaches from allergies. I’m noticing that it’s affecting my relationships. Just today, my dog, Iko, looked at me quite angrily when I cut our walk short because every footfall caused ratcheting pain. The pain gets so bad sometimes that only acupuncture (thank you my wellness medical team) gives relief.
I’ve never before had headaches like these and it’s given me an entirely new appreciation for this world. But, I’m not writing this just to vent (in fact, venting doesn’t help me feel better). Nope, it’s that I’ve been reminded of something that I know, but easily forget. That it’s easy to minimize other people’s symptoms and even to think, maybe they’re not real.
Before I had these headaches, I didn’t appreciate how bad living with this on a chronic basis could be. Now, I’ve found a wonderful blogger, the dailyheadache.com, who writes great posts on this. Had I read Kerrie’s blog prior to my own headaches, I’d have been mildly interested. But something in me would also have responded: that’s not as bad as fevers and bloody stool… or not being able to walk. Just take 2 tylenol and it will get better.
It’s not that I think people have to have a symptom to “get it”. But this is a reminder about how hard it is for other people to understand what it’s like to live with invisible symptoms, chronically. This is especially true with symptoms that are fairly common, such as headaches, fatigue, back pain. It’s help for us chronic folks to keep a perspective on how people respond. – and let it inform how we “show up”.
And, there’s no place where this is more important than the people with whom you work, the people who rely on you to get the job done. That said, I have to pump some nasal spray and get on a call with a client.
Rosalind
Tara says
I have chronic, daily migraines. I lost my job over them about 5 years ago. I used to take a triptan a day just to survive. Then, I started pain medications. These only increased the nausea and kept me bed-ridden. I suffered for this for 6 years until I met a neurologist who knew how to balance the medications. I now live pain-free. I have a liver transplant to deal with, so I continue to be chronically ill. However, I feel as if I have a new lease on life in my freedom from pain. You cannot be yourself when you are in any kind of debilitating pain. I wake up everyday and am grateful my husband and family still support me because I was miserable during those years of pain, and I am surprised people continue to stick by me and to love me. It was a challenge for them just as much as for me.
Rosalind Joffe says
Dear Tara, You are fortunate to have this support system but I have a hunch that you’ve contributed to creating your good fortune, in the face of some mighty big challenges. You keep going, girlfriend!
Rosalind