Have you noticed that these past two years of living in pandemic has lifted mental health into public conversation? I’m all in for authentic conversation about any disabling health issue as an antidote to our overwhelming ‘can do’ ethos.  

But I worry that this is lip service to the moment —  not lasting change.

My first ciCoach client lived with fibromyalgia and a history of depression. She described, “…. an exhausting, ever present battle waging in my head around what I need to do my job, and what I should do about it.”  She wanted to hide under the covers when she imagined a conversation with anyone at work about this. In time, she decided that if she wanted to keep her job, she had to let others know that she lives with fibromyalgia. She said she’d quit before talking about depression.   

Dealing with unpredictable and typically invisible pain, fatigue or other disabling symptoms is hard enough.  But too often, having to decide on a daily basis if, when and what to say breaks the spirit. I wrote, Are You Talking?   to offer straightforward guidelines for thinking about these challenges.

And talking about mental illness (mental illness and disorder are used interchangeably here) is that much more complicated. My clients living with both physical and mental illness invariably say that they would talk about physical but not mental illness at work. Why? 

Because western culture has historically viewed mental illness as a failure of character or will.

According to Kelly Greenwood, in Harvard Business Review, “ . . . up to 80% of people will experience a diagnosable mental health condition over the course of their lifetime …. but almost 60% of employees have never spoken to anyone at work about their mental health status . . . the effects of stigma . . . loom large.” 

In “People with Mental Health Can Work”, Katherine Ponte writes,
“Stigma around mental illness or disorders is based on the myth that people with mental illness are not:

• ambitious, motivated, intelligent or able.
• unable to handle stress because they’re too sick and even potentially dangerous.
• able to work. 

This stigma results in a huge loss of productivity and high costs for society. What does it mean for those living with mental illness? 

From one writer, “I have a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder and depression. But unless I am told by a doctor that I need medical leave, I don’t need to be off work or without a job — especially since my doctors and I recognize that the act of working is therapeutic and empowering.  I gamble every time I decide to be open about my mental health: will I hear the typical ‘this might not work out’? Or will my employer actually accept it and try to work with me to find solutions?”   Yes, sadly, it’s a gamble. And even seasoned gamblers weighs the risks and rewards. 
You might start by looking at your capacity.  You might ask,

• Can I do the tasks necessary for this job?
• Does that change when I’m experiencing symptoms?
• If so, how?

Now consider the rewards. You might ask,

• Would I be able to perform at my best or even a satisfactory level if I get the work-arounds?
• Will this make a significant difference in my well being?

Now consider the risks.  You might ask,

• Do I have concrete evidence that this organization truly supports differences?
• What do I know that tells me I can talk about my mental illness without fear of retribution?
• What are my options if I don’t get what I’m asking for?

Finally, even well-meaning people often don’t know what to say or do when you talk about your mental health. “When Your Employee Discloses  a Mental Health Condition” offers useful suggestions for managers. The suggestions might be helpful if you’re thinking about setting up a conversation that stack the odds in your favor to get the response you hope for.

The bottom line is that many people are uncomfortable talking about illness and most are very uncomfortable talking about mental illness. We can’t take charge of how others will respond. But we can do our best to take charge of our motivations and feelings and keep our eyes wide open when we walk into conversation about living with mental illness. 

When you can rely on your resources and take charge of the conversation, are you able to feel your strength, regardless of the outcome?

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