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The Patriots are going to cover the spread tonight

February 3, 2008 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

11426518901.jpgHuh? Are you wondering it you landed at the wrong blog? I’ll bet you are.

And here are two reasons why this is an example of communications gone wrong:

1.The headline has nothing to do with why you came to this blog – to read about work and chronic illness.

2. If you’re a subscriber, then you get this the day after I write it – the Monday after the Superbowl. And reading this headline the day after the event will make you scratch your head, wondering why you should bother to read on.

Many years ago, I was the only woman in a room full of guys, all at least a decade older than me, all senior management in a Fortune 500. I was there to help them plan the yearly sales meeting. They were talking about the NBA playoffs and I’d just seen a game. But they literally ignored me when I described a great play I’d seen (after all, what did a woman know about the game?) They paid close attention, however, when I gave them feedback on their speeches.

And, here’s where this ties in to talking about chronic illness at work:

  1. You’re got to consider your audience – what do you need to say so they understand when you talk about fatigue or pain?
  2. Set the tone with your words and behavior – don’t display your emotions if you’re trying to show you’ve got the situation under control.
  3. Pick the time and setting to talk about it so you can shape your message rather than having to “punt” .

Do you fumble for the right words?

areyoutalkingbook150w.jpg

There are lots of self help books that teach you how to talk to your boss, your colleague, even your spouse. But none that focus on how to do it when chronic illness is the subject.

If you want to get an in depth idea of what you can say, when and why – my Guidebook, Are You Talking? is filled with strategies and tactics for talking about your illness – in the different situations that you inevitably find yourself in.

So, is it Tom Brady or Eli Manning? What do you do to feel “normal” and more part of the world? Are you just too sick and overwhelmed to care?

Rosalind

Filed Under: Attitude, Talking about it, Working with chronic illness

Clark Kent had his cape

January 24, 2008 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

A client who lives with MS told me that he wishes he was Clark Kent. With the slip of a cape, he’d become his real self: Superman! And then his left leg work wouldn’t drag, his right hand would grip properly and he’d walk to his car minus the cane. No one would have believedRead More

Filed Under: Attitude, Health Info, Musings on LIfe with Chronic Illness, Talking about it, Working with chronic illness

What do you say to your boss with a new colitis (or any chronic illness) diagnosis

January 9, 2008 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

My good friend’s “baby”, Jimmy, got a diagnosis today of ulcerative colitis.   Jimmy has always been a strong guy — and he’s lost 15 pounds in the past month!  He told his mother that for the first time in his life, he felt like he was drowning. The “good news” is that he’s being treatedRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it, Working for others, Working with chronic illness

So how is a computer crash like a body crash?

December 3, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 1 Comment

The fact is that most people nod knowingly when you tell them your computer isn’t working –  and they’re quick to share their computer horror stories. But when your body crashes from a chronic illness flare? You get that blank stare –HUH? My client, “Janet”, just spent 10 days in the nether world of “downed”Read More

Filed Under: Musings on LIfe with Chronic Illness, Talking about it, Working with chronic illness

Is cancer (or other chronic illness) the reason you're not working?

November 20, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 3 Comments

The journal Archives of Otolaryngology reported a study that followed patients with carcinomas (cancer) of the head and neck to find out if they stopped working. Here are the highlights: 239 patients were employed at time of diagnosis and 38.1% discontinued work. Of those who left work, the top 5 reasons were: Fatigue (58%), speechRead More

Filed Under: Attitude, Talking about it, Working with chronic illness

Do you want to hear, "Happy Thanksgiving"?

November 19, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 8 Comments

I’d take a guess that if you’re reading this, you live with some chronic issue – pain, fatigue, limbs or brain that doesn’t work right. Have you noticed how often people leave a conversation with, “Happy Thanksgiving”? Probably more times than you can count. I know I find myself doing it. Then, a client toldRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it, Working with chronic illness

Chronic illness – how much do you disclose?

November 17, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 2 Comments

A reader emailed because she’s trying to figure out if and how to tell co-workers about her new chronic disease diagnosis. She wondered if I still offer “Free consultations”. (By the way, check out my newly designed website — with new resources!) I don’t because it doesn’t offer enough value and since I can’t reallyRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it, Working for others, Working with chronic illness

Does your doctor run late?

November 11, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 3 Comments

This past Friday I missed an appointment with a client because I spent two hours waiting to see a hand surgeon about an infection in my thumb. By the time I saw him, the tears were welling in my eyes.  Nope –I don’t cry when I’m angry.  This experience brought back the memories full forceRead More

Filed Under: Health Info, Talking about it

Chronic Illness — we need conversations! It's not rocket science.

October 14, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 6 Comments

According to a survey of 1,000 people, (thank you Amy at Diabetes Mine for the direct link) 82% of respondents said they knew someone with a chronic illness but only 34 percent were likely to suggest ways for this person to better manage their care. Well, hurray for the 66% who know better than toRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it

Getting it right – are you making yourself clear?

October 10, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

I was speaking to the State Street Global, Disability Awareness Group yesterday (I’ll bet you didn’t know that it’s National Employment Disability Awareness month?) and I got this question:    “I often think that I’ve explained myself (why I can’t do something) only to find people are angry or disappointed with me. How do IRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it

Poor me

October 7, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 2 Comments

There’s no such thing as fair… in love, war or office politics. Certainly, not in health. When you don’t have good health, nothing good comes from thinking about fairness. A client, in a burst of “honest disclosure” recently shared with her boss that it’s not fair that she got MS at this point in herRead More

Filed Under: Attitude, Talking about it, Working with chronic illness

Can we talk .. more?

September 25, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

My post from Sept. 13, Talking About it Does Help, got a lively discussion going. What should you, can you, “rightfully” and thoughtfully, expect from others when you bring up the big CI (chronic illness). Nope, no answers … you knew I’d say that 🙂 … but I do have another suggestion. I wrote aboutRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it, Working with chronic illness

Chronic illness — talking about it does help

September 13, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 7 Comments

What you say is just as important as what you don’t say. And, it’s even more important when you want to be successful in your work and you live with invisible AND chronic illness. Communication is king. I have a hunch that not many people would disagree me with me about this. But, I wishRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it, Working for others, Working with chronic illness

Master the fundamentals and you don't have to be invisible at work living with chronic illness

September 9, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

I coach, I write and think about this topic: how can a person live as full a life as possible when living with invisible chronic illness?   Yup, people do tell me me that I can get to be a bore, always referring to this.  It’s become a reference point for me for most ofRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it, Working with chronic illness

September – Did you know that it's invisible chronic illness month

August 28, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

Lots of stuff going on in the next month for those of us living with invisible chronic illness, thanks to the work of rest ministries.org. What makes this great? Well, in today’s world of rapid fire information and the power of the internet, this information sharing can only help those of us who want toRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it, Working for others, Working with chronic illness

Oh, my but you DO look good.

July 30, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 7 Comments

Do you get annoyed when someone tells you how good you look (and you feel like “crap”?) According to one survey (and I’m always skeptic regarding surveys and who/how they’re done), 50% of people with chronic illness say they don’t like to be told they look good. I’ve never felt that way — even whenRead More

Filed Under: Attitude, Musings on LIfe with Chronic Illness, Talking about it

Some things to think about with an ileostomy.

July 26, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 2 Comments

The summer and humidity, in particular, is tough on us ileostomy folks. My flange (this thing that attaches to my skin) easily gets irritated. I went to a “wound nurse” (that’s what it’s called!) to see if there has been an improvement in the technology over the 10 years since I first got this andRead More

Filed Under: Attitude, Health Info, Musings on LIfe with Chronic Illness, Talking about it

Here she is …Mrs. Indiana …. and a girlfriend with lupus

July 24, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

Forget the debates. The “bathing suit” contests. The pie dinners. I just wish that we could all get out the vote for her. No. I’m not talking about Hillary. I’m talking about Tara Tate, the newly crowned, Mrs. Indiana, who is going for the national crown of Mrs. America. Tara is OUR HEROINE — she’sRead More

Filed Under: Attitude, Talking about it, Young with Health Problems

"Can we talk?" I live with an ileostomy

July 22, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 1 Comment

This week, I had an epiphany. I don’t talk about living with an ileostomy. What made me realize this? My friend and colleague, Jenny Prokopy (Chronicbabe.com), is a freelance writer and was looking for people to interview for a piece that she’s working on for The Phoenix, the magazine of the United Ostomy Association ofRead More

Filed Under: Health Info, Musings on LIfe with Chronic Illness, Talking about it, Working with chronic illness

Do you think of yourself as someone who lives with a chronic illness?

July 11, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 10 Comments

Recently, I was in a conversation in which we were talking about how you find information — particularly on the internet.   I asked if she uses such search words as chronic illness or multiple sclerosis (which is what she has).  She said,  “I don’t like to think of myself as having a chronic illness andRead More

Filed Under: Attitude, Musings on LIfe with Chronic Illness, Talking about it

How loudly do you talk?

June 12, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 4 Comments

Have you ever noticed that when people talk about chronic illness, the conversation seems to get more hushed, more low key, less energetic.  Multiple sclerosis, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, FIBROMYALGIA?  When was the last time someone told you they have this and said it loudly and clearly? This weekend I met a neighbor and she wasRead More

Filed Under: Attitude, Talking about it

Tired and can't get no respect

May 20, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 2 Comments

My friend, Janie, is on prednisone to counteract a horrible skin rash from poison ivy. The poison is slowly getting better but she’s finding the prednisone is horrible. At first she couldn’t sleep and now, slowly tapering it, she feels like she’s in a fog, is tired all the time and can’t make it throughRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it

Funny, I'd never know you have chronic illness by looking at you.

April 17, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 3 Comments

I feel lucky.  I always struggled with that moment when I felt that I had to say to someone I’d just met that I have disabilities from chronic illnesses.  I mean, what’s the right time?  When a new friend asks me if I can attend an event outside on a 100 degree day? Maybe it’sRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it

Living with chronic illness – top ten positives

March 20, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

This post has been submitted by a colleague, Nicole Matoushek. Thanks, Nicole, for offering your perspective! As ridiculous as this sounds, in David Letterman fashion, I have created my own top ten list of the positives of the chronic illness experience. 10) Your pharmacist knows you by name. 9) Otherwise complete strangers are your instantRead More

Filed Under: Musings on LIfe with Chronic Illness, Talking about it

Talking in Normal

February 20, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 1 Comment

My husband and I are moving from the house in which our girls, now ages 19 and 22 years, were born and raised.  Recently a friend videotaped their memories of living here.   I was struck that neither mentioned anything  about their mother when she was unable to lift herself from bed, pick them upRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it

Talking about chronic illness – what's enough?

February 12, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe 6 Comments

A client, I’ll call her Jane, was describing her feelings of isolation ever since she developed chronic fatigue syndrome (almost 3 years ago). She finds that as time goes on, she doesn’t want to talk about the illness or how she feels to anyone. Whether it’s a casual acquaintance a friend or family, Jane hasRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it

Could your diagnosis start important conversations?

February 9, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

Once in a while I have occasion to tell someone new about my experience living and working with symptoms associated with Crohn’s Disease. These days, it comes up when telling someone about this blog. One thing I love about having these conversations is the safety it creates for others to talk about something in theirRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it

Disclosure – when is the right time?

January 15, 2007 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

I’ve lived with chronic illness for 28 years and I still stumble (at least in my head) after I’ve disclosed this to someone. For most of these years, the subject usually came up early in a conversation, often in the context of what I couldn’t do. But, I’ve been fortunate. The ulcerative colitis was curedRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it

Real people, real "working"

December 25, 2006 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

Hi Rosalind, After my call with you, I was so motivated to make my job demands up front without explanation (telecommuting as needed, 1 day off, etc.). The president and hiring manager seemed confused by it, but didn’t ask too many questions and I happily accepted their job offer. Just hours after the phone call,Read More

Filed Under: Talking about it, Working for others, Working with chronic illness

It's not small talk

December 22, 2006 by Rosalind Joffe Leave a Comment

Holiday parties with the inevitable: “How are you? What’s new?” Do I say, “Well, lately I’ve been plagued with nocturnal enuresis, you know,  that night bed-wetting associated with bladder dysfunction from MS “?  I don’t think so. What can you say when your life isn’t a one liner?  And even if you could fit itRead More

Filed Under: Talking about it

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Rosalind Joffe

rosalind@cicoach.com

617.969.1930
How can I help you?
I specialize in working with professionals living with chronic health conditions who want to continue to thrive, not just survive. Learn more by clicking here.
Women, Work and
Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working Girlfriend!

by Rosalind Joffe
with Joan Friedlander
© 2025 Rosalind Joffe, ciCoach | Photograph by Meri Bond