Disclosure – when is the right time?

I’ve lived with chronic illness for 28 years and I still stumble (at least in my head) after I’ve disclosed this to someone. For most of these years, the subject usually came up early in a conversation, often in the context of what I couldn’t do. But, I’ve been fortunate. The ulcerative colitis was cured with surgery (an ileostomy is unpleasant but it’s not disabling) and the MS is in remission. Now, when I bring up my chronic illness, present and past, it’s usually in the context of my work, rather than how it might be limiting my life.

You’d think that this would make disclosure simpler. But it hasn’t. Regardless of how the other person responds, I find that there’s that moment that I feel off-balance — when I’m trying to figure out how this information is being received.

I’ve come to realize that this is a small price to pay because talking about it allows me to normalize the experience, to make this stuff no big deal. I’m guessing that underlying this has been my private hope that if I treat chronic illness that way, then others will, too. It wasn’t a carefully thought out strategy. It probably bombed as often as it succeeded. But, I haven’t been able to come up with a more graceful way to do this.

Rosalind