My husband, children and I are lucky that all of the grandparents, in their 80’s, are still alive. My parents have had severe chronic illnesses for the past 10 years, have witnessed the incessant loss of contemporaries, family and friends, and are now confronting their inability to take care of themselves. It’s painful and sad for them to be in this position and it’s just as painful for us to be around them as they go through this.
When I was 30 and very ill, I often thought that I’d somehow jumped from early adulthood to old age and missed the middle years. I felt robbed. I was surrounded by healthy people who thought that having a cold was a bad day while I was focused on my bowels, bladder and an inability to walk. I found it isolating to feel chronically tired and in pain, unable to do what I wanted and needed to do. I often thought that this was so much worse because everyone around me seemed healthy!
But, as the years have gone on and friends age, I realize that this stuff, illness, never feels “normal”. It can always be isolating and lonely. Whether your 25 or 85. It’s about deaingl with it, whenever it happens, so it’s one of your many experiences in life, it’s not who you are.
Rosalind
Diana says
I agree that our illnesses are not who we are, but I think they push us harder to become who we truly are than if we weren’t ill. And a chronic illness just won’t give up! My illness has served as a brick wall, a hard stop. I am operating at about 5% of what I used to. It has given me a lot of time to reflect on my life, and necessarily I’ve been forced to make hard life decisions, which have brought me to the essence of what deeply matters to me. Dealing with the impact of my illness on my life has coaxed from me a creative spirit I didn’t know I had. Yes, it’s one of our life experiences, and it seems to have put us on the road “less traveled by.”
Sandra says
I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, and have been living with it for 15 years. I was also dealing with Type 1 Diabetes since the age of 3. So now I have two autoimmune diseases. My family and friends find it remarkable that I still have the energy and spirit I have. My reason: I don’t let my diseases define who I am. So what? I have to take 4 shots a day. Coudl be worse. So what, my joints hurt and I can’t walk. It’s not everyday. I have never let my diseases stop me from doing anything else my peers were doing.
When I was asked why I had never volunteered for the Arthritis Foundation Walk for Arthritis, I told them that it was because being part of a group that has the same disease was not the most important thing to me. In my mind, it would define me.
Now that I am older, I see that I do need to find resources where people can relate to what I am going through. So I am very glad I found you ladies!