Benchmarks can help a person think about your life: what’s happened to you, the choices you’ve made and the results of those choices.
When I was younger (say under 30), this was something other people talked about but I didn’t really “get it”. Not anymore. New Year’s, my birthday … even mother’s day, I find that I contemplate — where I’ve been, where I am and, sometimes, where I’d like to be.
I’ve been both unlucky and lucky with my health. I’ve had some really bad times when I’ve been very sick for long stretches at a time. But, it’s mostly gotten better. My life has been filled with good things– a loving husband and two daughters and a wide network of supportive extended family and friends. But, I without work, I have always felt incomplete and found that my bad health became even worse for me.
I’ve needed something for myself. A way that I could feel accomplishment and feel “normal” even when I was sick, in pain and tired.
So, here’s the real luck: I’ve always been determined. It’s a hard trait to acquire and it’s come naturally to me since I’ve been small. It’s taken lots of determination and persistence– 10 years to create work that I could do at my pace, that would allow me to keep my health intact and that I love to do, even on the “sick” days.
This New Year, I’m feeling deep satisfaction that I accomplished this work, CIcoach.com, in the face of such distracting and disabling physical issues.
Rosalind
Erin says
I am struggling now with trying to create work for me that will allow me to continue working in something I love and yet allow me the flexibility when I end up in flares or otherwise needing extra care. The part that I resent, however, is the need to basically work for my benefits. I cannot afford to be without medical coverage. I’ve had so many hospitalizations and medical expenses that I will be paying the past ones off for years. I live with my parents because otherwise I would be homeless and unable to provide for my own basic needs. I would much rather be working on my creative work: writing or sculpting. But it seems that most of my weekly energy goes into 20 to 25 hours of part-time work that–while I enjoy it on a certain level–doesn’t feed my soul as much as I had hoped. Do you have any tips for this conundrum?
Rosalind says
Dear Erin,
It’s not possible to give you “tips” – as you already see, the situation is complicated, especially since I don’t know what you’ve tried to do thus far. The reality is that few of us are lucky enough to be employed in something that feeds our soul. I can only encourage you to find ways to come to peace with what IS, rather than fight it, because that drains energy also. Think of it this way: if you didn’t work at all, you might be a lot more isolated and depressed and would probably have trouble finding the creativity to write or sculpt. Good luck with all this – it’s a journey.
Rosalind
Diana says
New Year’s never meant anything to me until this year. I have been struggling with a debiliating illness for over 2 years (I am 40 yrs old). I have been very fortunate to keep my job. I am a professor at a medical school with a large research group. But I have had to continually give up more and more of my external responsibilities: no travel (thus, I don’t accept invitations to speak or go to meetings), collaborations except those few that are central to our work, participation in journal reviewing and editing. And increasingly, I don’t even show up in the lab. My people need me as an example and as a mentor. In addition, I haven’t kept up with email (thousands in my Inbox unread), and I am very behind in writing up manuscripts (there are 12 that need my immediate attention and work). I have delegated as much as possible, hiring an administrative assistant and a computer scientist to care for our computers (we use large computers). Yet, still, things have come to a critical point and without my presence and intervention, I see a disaster looming. I am very torn. On the one hand I have work I love. On the other, the work that is far more demanding than I can handle, and I am exhausted and simply don’t know how to go on. I have developed a strong spiritual practice, and I know that, in the end, my job is not important. However, there are ten people who are truly relying on me and like working with me; I care about them like I care about family. So it is not just about me. I would be very interested and grateful to hear how other people have handled either demanding jobs or the point at which a difficult decision needs to be made about that job.
Rosalind says
Diana. I’m wondering what the New Year means to you? It sounds as if you done some delegating – I always think that if we’re doing too much, then there must be more delegating or sharing that can be done. Can you enlist the help of others? Obviously they want you there as much as you want them. We sometimes have to stop getting in our own way – you might need help but you can do it.
Warmly, Rosalind
Taunee Besson says
Dear Rosalind,
You give excellent advise about running on empty in your last newsletter.
I used to run full out and get away with it, because I was taking good care
of myself: eating right, exercising, etc.
With Fibromyalgia I often question whether I should go to an evening or
breakfast event. Will I be hurting too much? Will I have the energy to do
it?
I’ve decided it’s better to sign up and hope for the best. It’s interesting
how we tend to do things once we’ve said we will, and feel better in the
process.
It seems when I’m focused on a person or task, physical problems tend to
melt away. There is something to “mind over matter.â€
I’m learning that going for the gusto is the best approach. You’ll will
probably find out you can do more that you thought. If you have to cancel
at the last moment or have to delay a project, the world won’t end. Most
people are very understanding, if they know you are doing the best you can.
Sincerely,
Taunee