Thanksgiving — and it’s my turn to host. The “immediate family” is up to 18. Three generations — and the next generation has started to multiply.
So, here’s the thing. I’ve lived with multiple sclerosis for 28 years – since I was 28 — and it’s always been hard to stand on my feet for long periods of time — the way you have to when you cook. I get worn out after an hour or so.
On the other hand, I love to cook and love to have people here. Others try to talk me out of it, but I just can’t give it up. It’s a passion and it helps me feel “normal”.
I think you have to approach anything that’s physically (or cognitively) difficult as a CHALLENGE!
So, all big meal events start with an action plan — just like a work project — and make sure there’s enough time to get it done, allowing for bad health moments. I’ve found the event itself is the least predictable part of this – it’s like any “deadline” — and I plan backup. I’m often too tired to do much anything, so I have everything on paper so someone else can follow my instructions.
This year Thanksgiving went on an excel spread sheet. Wouldn’t you know it? I got a virus last week and if I hadn’t made and frozen the mushroom pumpkin soup and the bourbon pumpkin cheesecake last weekend, I’d be in “hot soup”.
Do you still prepare big meals — even when you’re feeling like a dishrag? What are your tips? What don’t you do that you used to? How does it feel? (Click on comment and share. If you get this post through feedblitz, click on the link to the blog – and then click on this post at comments).
Rosalind
Taunee Besson says
Happy Thanksgiving,
Since you asked for tips, I have a few.
Family or friends get together on holidays to see each other. The food is just a part of the tradition.
I’ve found four ways to have a wonderful meal and be able to enjoy it myself.
1. Choose a few specialties to make yourself and buy the rest. This year the turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and pies came from our favorite restaurant. I made the apple-raisin stuffing, green bean casserole and fruit salad.
2. Ask a friend or two to help you in the kitchen. When I was growing up, my family had a big gathering on Thanksgiving. Two aunts would spend Wednesday cooking; Thursday eating and talking with the family, when a larger team would clean up the kitchen, and Friday shopping for holiday gifts. They enjoyed a “sisters’ weekend” and felt great about the results of their collaborative effort.
3. You be responsible for the turkey and ask everyone else to bring something. You can make sure there will be the right combination of dishes by assigning the various components of your usual holiday feast. Some people will make their specialty. Others will pick up something at Krogers. Either way, you won’t have to produce it yourself, and there won’t be as many cooking and serving dishes to clean up.
4. Make reservations at a restaurant which serves Thanksgiving dinner. You can splurge and pick up the tab or split the check.
Those who love us don’t need to be impressed with our heroic efforts to do Thanksgiving the same way as everyone else. They know about our illness. They want to help us. Let them. it’s a mutual gift we can give each other.
Taunee Besson
Barbara K. says
Two words: Chinese take-out
Rosalind says
I LOVE IT! Your ideas, Taunee, are so right on. When people ask me why I cook, I say it’s because I love to. NOT because I should. Barbara, the idea of any take out is perfect. I think the key is that we have to GET OVER OURSELVES! With chronic illness, you have to be even clearer than the next person about your intentions!
ErinM says
A little late here, but maybe you can apply it next year. 🙂
In my family (and my husband’s, actually), the women ALWAYS help in the kitchen. Yes, that means “too many cooks in the kitchen” sometimes but we avoid the arguments by assigning everyone specific responsibilities.
This year, I did breakfast. Pancakes, sausage, eggs and muffins I bought at Costco. My mom helped, but I was the ring leader.
For dinner, each person prepared one or two dishes. I stayed to the side and offered a hand when needed. But everyone was “in charge” of their own thing.
Deetermined says
I’m late too, but wanted to mention a couple more things. One of the hardest things about me and my personality is asking/accepting help, as I would rather organize better, work harder, etc. than to rely on others. Through the 4 years since diagnosed with MS, I finally relented and gave Thanksgiving to my cousin. My saving grace is that I make my specialties, but then am not bound to clean house, set the table, etc. This year I made the corn pudding, cranberry relish, brussel sprouts, pumpkin and pecan pies, so it almost feels like I’m still having the dinner!
Dee
Rosalind says
Never late to write on a blog.
Erin – in my house the women and the men cook (that includes my husband and brother) and they even help clean (at least my husband does). Hurray for help
I’m like you, Dee, determined and organized — and tend to work harder. I still have it at my house – and I know that’s a little nutty. But what I have learned over the years is how to get the help so I can do all I want to do. There’s no script in life – for anything – and especially not this. It’s trial and error and being sensitive to our selves and to others. Mmm, brussel sprouts and pecan pies. Love it! Have to go have some turkey soup right now! Rosalind