I often write about living “positively” (e.g., 3 Things You Need to Move from – to + , Finding Opportunity in the Quicksand) . Although the topic sparks interesting discussion and comments, I worry I might be creating the wrong impression. (Oh, scroll to the end to find out about the Mother’s Day special)
Following my last post, more readers unsubscribed citing content as a reason than ever (3!). Now, I don’t mind if people don’t agree with me. I write to create conversation and stimulate thought and I hope for new ideas and challenge. But one “unsubscriber” emailed saying that my words seem to “blame the victim”. She wrote, “I didn’t create my disease.”
Ouch. That’s far from my intention.
In fact, nothing makes me angrier than when someone implies that we cause our illness. I’ll never forget the “friend” who told me I should be less stressed since that must be what’s creating the ulcerative colitis. Or the colleague who said, “Multiple sclerosis is a nervous system disease but you don’t seem anxious or nervous – so how’d you get it?”
Does that seems like a scrambled chicken/ egg thing or what?
OK – we all have stories like that. You might read this cool article (You Make Me Sick, The Science Creative Quarterly). It debunks the notion that our thoughts/feelings create disease.
That said, I do believe that there’s power in being able to harness the way you think and retrain your brain. You can retrain your thinking if it’s getting in your way of living your life as best you can- illness or not. One reader’s comment led me to read about neuroplasticity, the science behind this. (It’s good to know that science backs up with I’ve seen work for myself and others).
If you’re wondering how you can do this, what questions to ask yourself or where to start, check this out:
MOTHER’S DAY OFFER: Do you want to work with a coach who gets what it’s like to live with chronic illness and can help you achieve greater job satisfaction?
For the month of May 2010, I am offering a special deal to all blog readers (you don’t have to be a mother!)
When you make an investment in your career and sign up for 3 months of career coaching with me, you receive 50% off the standard fee for 3 months. (That’s a $450.00 savings!)
Note: You must have a chronic illness or chronic condition and you must be currently employed or actively looking for a new job or career.
Want to know more? Email me, Rosalind@cicoach.com, and put Mother’s Day Special in the subject line.
Jason Reid says
That was a very unfortunate response to a great column. Unfortunately, I think it goes to the root of some of the problems we have in getting people to understand about chronic illness.
We seem to have evolved into a culture of extremes where we try to look at things from a simple black and white perspective and ignore the gray areas. Unfortunately, chronic illness plays out mostly in complicated shades of gray.
On one hand, I do get irked when people imply its my fault I am sick (or imply that if I simply followed this diet or that meditation I would be cured).
On the other hand I realize that people’s pity doesn’t take me too far. For my own good I have to look at things in my life that I can take control of to better myself. No one else in the world is in charge of my happiness but me.
And for what its worth, I have done some unscientific research into my own pattern of flare-ups from Crohn’s disease over the years. While it’s true that all my flare-ups coincided with times of stress, I really do think the stress STARTED with the flare up rather than external forces.
I’ve looked back at other times in my life when I was able to handle great amounts of stress just fine without any health issues. As you point out it’s a hard thing to determine. Just another shade of gray in our shady world. 🙂
Rosalind says
Actually, I don’t find the response to unsubscribe unfortunate and I’m glad she explained why. Not everyone will agree with me and it’s really helpful to see if people misunderstand. Communicating clearly is hard in the best of circumstances and blogging brevity doesn’t help. Your thoughts are always helpful, Jason.
loolwa khazzoom says
yeah this topic can get dicey. i’ve given it much thought and published a post, “patient-empowerment plan: the 5-step approach.” http://dancingwithpain.com/patient-empowerment-the-five-step-plan/i think it’s important to look at where we might have power to impact our health, and also acknowledge that there may be limitations. but just work our edge. every single f*ing day. wake up and work our edge. Loolwa
loolwa khazzoom says
yikes! that link is redirecting to another blog post. here’s one that i verified is working properly http://tinyurl.com/yjxej4a
Emily says
With chronic illness it is hard to see your glass as half full, since the half-empty part is the life you don’t have any more! However, I find that internal attitude makes a difference in how I am able to psychologically withstand the insult that illness gives my body.
This attitude does not make my physical problems better, this attitude does not make my physical problems worse, but it helps me find my “center” – the “me” that hasn’t changed despite everything else.
I conciously attempt to never feel like a victim – which can be hard some days. Inside I am a victor, defeating the evil illness’ attempts at ruining my life, one not so lovely day at a time!
Marsha says
I’m a little late on jumping in on this post, but wanted to throw in a comment. I can see both sides. I think words like “bad attitude” and “negative thinking” can automatically trigger defensiveness and an internal response. That’s the immediate response I had to that post when I read it. However, if you take a step back, and realize this response is because you have been told over and over again that it’s “your fault,” “you’re too blame,” for your failure, etc. you can reverse that reaction. The very idea of neuroplasticity is that we have certain cognitive and emotional reactions because they have been trained into our neural pathways, from experiences in childhood, college, from careers. And for those of us with disabilities and chronic illnesses…it’s tenfold…especially when we’re often told we are at fault. Part of the retraining in positive psychology and neuroplasticity is catching these triggers…I was able to take a step-back and realize I had a “negative” reaction to the terms “negative” and “bad attitude”…because I felt someone else was just staying “it’s your fault.”Maybe that’s what happened here? It takes a lot for us to undo what’s been done.
Rosalind says
Marsha-I’m glad that you stepped back and were able to read your response rather than going with your knee jerk reaction. It takes practice to learn to do this. I know because I practice myself.