When Sitting in the stands is not an option

I’ve invited a Guest, Stephanie,  to post this blog:

When I was in my early 30s, I decided that I needed a personal coach. I was constantly drained of energy, in constant pain, and desperate to establish a more meaningful career. I was trying to function at 200% when I was only really at 30%. I thought that coaching would help me to find a new compass.

I met my coach, Sylvia, at a networking event for professional women. I thought that if I found the perfect job for me, then everything would be alright. I thought I would hire Sylvia to help me sort through the craziness and help me to get on the path to professional fulfillment. I was naïve in my thinking that if I found the perfect job then all my other problems, including those relating to my health, would be resolved.

Fortunately for me, Sylvia was not focused on me finding the “perfect job.” I think she saw in me what I couldn’t see in myself. Finding the “perfect job” was not what I needed. My focus on needed to be on being fully engaged in “my most important job,” and that was how to practice self-care and make my health my number one priority.

During our sessions, she would ask me to write down what areas of my life did I think I was being passive, or sitting in the stands. While I listed things like, I needed to have more fun, travel, and spruce up my wardrobe, my health was a constant challenge. For ten years, I tried to find out why I was constantly in pain and exhausted. I can’t even begin to describe the frustrating conversations that I had with doctors when I raised my concerns about my pain, extreme fatigue, and gastroenterological symptoms. I was becoming discouraged with all the doctors who repeatedly told me that nothing was wrong with me. Yet, things got so bad that I was forced to press on and find a physician who would thoroughly review my symptoms.

A year after I finished working with Sylvia, I was diagnosed with lupus and celiac disease. For a year, I was under the care of a rheumatologist who wasn’t giving me the attention that I needed to improve my health. Even though I had a potentially life threatening diagnosis, I was still sitting in the stands instead of taking an active role in health care. I didn’t ask enough questions or question the quality of care I was getting. After a year or taking very potent medications, I wasn’t getting any better. I did my best to go on as if nothing changed. However, the pain began to worsen and I decided to find another doctor.

It was after frank conversations with other lupus patients and my new rheumatologist that I finally understood that I was still sitting in the stands and why that was not an option for me. A lupus advocate said to me, “You have lupus. Even though you look healthy on the outside, you are pretty sick. Right now, you need to turn your health around. You may experience many challenges in your life because of lupus. Maintaining your health will always be your first and most important job.”

It was then that I finally internalized the lessons on self-care that Sylvia taught me during our coaching sessions. If I didn’t do my best to maintain my health, I wouldn’t have the opportunities to enjoy those things that made my life worth living, whether it was spending time with my family and friends, or developing a career that fueled my spirit. My well-being had become my most important job.

These past few years have not been easy. In addition to lupus and celiac disease, I have been diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy and osteopenia. There have been more medical appointments, prescriptions filled, and lab and x-ray tests than I can count. Dealing with the medical system can still be a frustrating and exhausting experience.

However, what matters most is that I am no longer sitting in the stands. As I have learned how to aggressively take care of health and well-being, I have become more engaged in life. Making my well-being my primary “job” has allowed me to become involved and enjoy the things that make life worth living like time with my family and friend as well as finding meaningful work.

Thank you, Sylvia, for teaching me that sitting in the stands was not an option.

 Stephanie

Stephanie Williams is a writer and editor. Her writing and research interests include chronic illness issues as they relate to employment, psychological wellbeing, and teaching healthcare management to patients. She holds a M.A. in Organizational Management from George Washington University and a B.A. from Spelman College. Stephanie lives in Florida with her family. slwprodevelopment@msn.com