Pandemic, Like Chronic Illness, is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

The realization that we’re in a pandemic has felt like a relatively gradual process. You might say, in that way it’s similar to the gradual onset of a disease flare or a new disease process.

It started with this low, background buzzing noise just loud enough to let you know that something is different. But you’re not sure what it is.  As the realization grows that something isn’t right, you wonder if it’s real or you’re imagining it. Then comes the tipping point when it declares itself in a way you can’t ignore.  

And now you’re in a different relationship with this thing. You want information. What am I dealing with?  What can I do to keep living my life, to prevent this from spreading or getting worse, to get myself better?  Experts give you conflicting reasons as to why it happened and there’s even less known about what will happen or what you can do about it.

When I first self quarantined about a month ago, I thought smugly, this is no big deal.  I know what to do because I’ve been living this life for decades. It means:

• staying healthy is the top priority
• living with the unknown and unpredictable
• creating a daily schedule so you get things done AND keep your sanity
• working flexibly because you can’t be sure what might come up to disrupt plans
• getting dressed each day as if you were leaving your house for work even if you’re working from home
• finding an exercise routine you can do within your limitations
• developing tools that help to live with the fear of what you know could happen to your health

Did I miss anything?

But the days have become weeks and now months. I can’t count how many times I’ve said that nothing prepares us to live with debilitating and chronic illness.  It’s clear none of us are prepared for a pandemic.

This morning I woke with a sense of dread and hopelessness. The thing is, I thrive on feeling I’m contributing and adding value.  But that’s hard when there’s so little I can DO.  When my daughter called —  something she does everyday on her way to work and continues while working from home – – I shared this with her.  And as I talked, I noticed I’m afraid. I fear getting sick with this knowing how poorly my immune compromised body will respond.  More than actually being sick, I fear the months of recuperating because it always takes me longer than expected.  I fear being weak and ill, alone in a hospital bed.  Most of all, I fear losing the modest level of inner balance I’ve worked so hard to achieve. 

Sharing this aloud helped  as I hoped it would.  It unlocked the stuck feelings so I could see this for what it is—just a part of me.  Loosening its grip, the feeling became more expansive.  I was able to tap into the other parts, to find purpose and value in my small universe. Just like living with chronic illness, living in a time of pandemic is a marathon, not a sprint. 

Because this is such a time of need and we can each benefit from sharing and noticing, I’m making this special offer.  If you’re a client (current or former) and you want to connect and share, I’m offering a one hour call (preferably zoom) for $10.  Given the nature of my coaching practice,, I can only offer this single call at this rate to those with whom I’ve worked and know.  If you’re interested, email me.