Do you find that living with flaring symptoms from a chronic health condition feels like riding a roller coaster? I do and listening to clients, I know I’m not alone. I find it helps them when I remind them that things change and even if today or this month is bad, it’s not a static state. Sometimes the changes are within days, sometimes years. Changes can be subtle and other times, huge. When I’m in a particularly bad phase with health, it’s easy to forget this and fall into the trap of thinking “I’m always sick”. What a downer and worse, it gets in my way.
Last Fall, after weeks of intermittent pain and festering urinary tract infections that left me weak, Thanksgiving Day was a blur. I was lucky I wasn’t hosting it and only had to show up at my sister’s. I could do that. Good news, yes?
By the next day, the antibiotics kicked in and my bladder worked better, the fever and weakness were gone, and the pain receded. By Saturday, my usual health and energy level returned. Was I disappointed that I felt so lousy on Thanksgiving Day with family? Yes. But I was glad I didn’t go into the pit place of negative thinking, which would have made it all so much harder.
Funny thing is that until writing this post, I’d forgotten how sick I felt last Fall.
Then last week, I got a very bad cold while on a lovely vacation in the sun. I felt horrible and although I could tell myself that viruses get better (unlike my chronic illness symptoms that never completely go away), I was angry this happened. Isn’t it enough? Shouldn’t I get a free pass and not get a cold? I’m sure that I’ll remember that vacation in Jamaica by how the cold spoiled things and feel just a little sorry for myself.
What do I notice? I’m more frustrated by the ‘normal’ illnesses and have more acceptance when I feel sick with chronic illness symptoms. And I hate feeling sorry for myself. I think there’s a lesson here but I’m not sure what it is. Ideas?
Colin says
Hi Rosalind, this article made me laugh at myself as I noticed how when I’m symptomatic my perspective changes to “I’m always sick and have always been”. However when I’m free of symptoms I say to myself “that’s all behind me now, I can hardly remember being incapacitated”. What I’ve noticed is a return of symptoms brings with it a wholesale shift in mood. A mood that is more pessimistic and which colors both the past and the future. Understandably so since what’s possible for us looks very different when viewed from a body that is in distress. Your advice to remember that things change reminds me to notice the mood I’m living in and to be aware of how that is coloring my future. This to shall pass. At least for me it always has in the past. Thanks for the posts. Warm Regards, Colin
Ryan says
Wow this post really hits the nail right on the head. I feel EXACTLY like this. It’s so nice to hear from someone else who experiences the roller coaster ride which is life w/ a chronic illness. I feel like I can coast along with my usual symptoms and the minute something new is added- like virus, allergies, or a cold- it sends me over the edge and I can’t deal and get so depressed. It’s so hard when you are stuck down in it. It’s also SO hard working with ever-changing symptoms plus the added stress any acute illnesses we pick up. Argh!!!! I wish I could just have a break for a little bit!!!
Judith Wilson Burkes says
I completely understand! I don’t want to see a cold or any other “typical” ailment, since I have to deal with other chronic conditions. I love how you said, “Don’t I get a free pass?” Shouldn’t we all? I guess the lesson is that we still just have to be gentle with ourselves. We are subject to the rest of the icky stuff of life. Not a happy, happy, joy, joy feeling, but it is what it is. And, we will get through it.
Thanks, as always, Rosalind, for a post that makes me think! 🙂
Rosalind says
Ditto!
Rosalind says
I’m glad this resonated with you!