I’m a planner. I like the act of planning and like living with plans. I get a big kick out of writing and reviewing my yearly business plan. My husband and I have spent many long car rides planning the big stuff (when we’d buy our first home, start a family, move to a different part of the country) and the smaller things (such as our next vacation).
It was only when I started coaching that it dawned on me that not everyone does this In fact, some people get downright antsy when the idea comes up in our conversations. They say they feel penned in, too constricted and it even stifles their creativity.
But what happens when your most natural style gets in your way?
That’s where the coaching conversation, asking questions and exploring new ways, can be a sea change. I was talking with a client who, since her most recent promotion, felt completely overwhelmed by her job. She told me that she felt ‘lost at sea’ (yes, she likes to sail). The last time she’d felt this way was when she first became ill with Chronic Fatigue Disease Syndrome over 15 years ago.
Her response to decision making has typically been to focus on what seems most important at that moment and the rest would fall into place. But this wasn’t working now. Her mood was stuck in low gear, her concentration was suffering and she worried about her health. She was desperate to regain her sense of balance at work.
I asked her if she felt ready for a game changer and she agreed. We decided that her homework would be to create a ‘work/life’ plan for the next 6 months that would help her get her sea legs back.
On our next call, she reported she hadn’t done the homework, which was unusual for her. As we talked, I realized that she didn’t see a good reason for doing this exercise. She needed a motivator to push her to work on this activity that took her out of her comfort zone.
So together we identified her goals, the purpose, her desired outcomes, and the tactics.
This is what she came up with:
- Goal(the What):To do the best possible job I can and handle the pressure with grace.
- Purpose (the Why): To feel better about myself at my job.
- Desired Outcome (the Motivator): I will feel pride in myself and my work again.
- Tactics (the How):
- Write a list of my weekly deliverables at the beginning of each week.
- Give this to my supervisor and team with questions, concerns, etc.
- Make sure I have at least one social engagement with a friend on a week night.
- Exercise every morning, even if it’s only for 10 minutes.
- Plan weekly meals on weekend prior.
- Calendar my snack, meal and rest time so I do it.
There were many more items in the tactics but you get the idea. The key that helped her get past her resistance to doing this plan was to identify the MOTIVATOR.
Next time you notice that you’ve lost your rudder, try creating a plan of action and start with the what, the why and the motivator statements. See how that goes, ok?
Christina Gombar says
BACK TO WORK
Hi Rosalind — Your email on making a plan hit me at the right time. You know me as an opinionated commenter, and more recently I was in touch this past fall regarding my husband’s attempts to stay at work.
Unfortunately, he is at the stage where he is quite ill, needs to sleep a lot, where any activity causes pain, suffers significant cognitive impairment, is feverish and fighting multiple infections from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and severe arthritis spurred by a mandatory worksite Measles shot. He’s out of action for now, was denied disability, and we are selling our house and bleeding money to lawyers.
I, however, have been on a new experimental regime for nearly a year, where I think my condition has become manageable and predictable enough for me to work part time for the employer from which I’m on leave with, though it will have to be part time and remote. My company makes a big public statement about hiring the disabled, though I know what that they say and what they do are two different things. I have been on leave since late 1998, am now 55 years old. A hard sell.
They have an extensive web site which I consult frequently, looking for financial solutions to my challenging situation, and I think I could find a role there. I note that while they offer financial information on all kinds of life situations — when a loved one dies, divorce — they offer no products, no financial planning scenarios, for people with chronic illnesses, whose needs are unique. They are the type of company that should be at the forefront of serving such a clientele and developing such products.
I am now making “informational” inquiries. The company is huge and seemingly impenetrable. The people I once worked with, who know me and my situation, have retired, or have moved into different areas. It is highly bureaucratic. I was wondering if you had experience with anyone working there, or with other similar giant corporations who talk a good game about hiring the disabled.
The issue is very tricky. According to a document that was accidentally mailed to me, the company actually has a policy of not hiring anyone, accommodating, or paying any benefits to anyone with my illness, Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome, or anything related. (I am “grandfathered” into being entitled to benefits because I become ill before this policy. The company also has a right to actually SUE someone who doesn’t disclose having this illness, fibromyalgia, Lyme and a host of related illnesses. When I was on staff, so many busy working mothers became chronically ill, that they had to make this exclusion. I received this document by accident ten years ago. But Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is in the news constantly now, and I wonder if they’ll be forced to change their policy.
Chronic illnesses like mine can improve over the course of decades (I’ve been off work since 1998, but trial, error therapes and medical advances only showed significant improvement in the past year.) But I’ve been “cured” before, only to find that my health, and the huge chunks of time it takes to manage it each day, do not withstand a normal work week. I have been fired for being ill, so I’m gun shy.
I have a spouse with NO income coming in, and a stream of bills I’m paying solo. What kind of plan would you put in place for someone like me?
Please remember that my disability package is the only source of income, medical coverage for both of us, and pension. I am on a defined benefit plan, so when I retire, I will not have access to a lump sum, and can only take 7% of my total accumulation per year — a low five figure sum.
If I were on staff part time, I might bring in only a little more money, but I would be entitled to invest in a wider range of supplementary retirement products offered by the company. My husband has little private retirement savings, and while mine are OK (according to my accountant) for me, they are not enough to support us both, and as I’ve been on Social Security for sixteen years, I will not get much there.
I know this a lot to chew on. But I wanted to share because I think other readers may have similarly complex situations.
Thanks.
Rosalind says
I am sorry that your husband is doing so poorly. And that you’re losing your home with all this.
Yes, a lot to chew on but important stuff to put out there. I couldn’t agree more that there is not enough information available regarding insurance. But you’ve touched on so many critical issues, including how chronic illness isn’t a static state but that doesn’t make it easier to keep a job or return to work. Thank you for continuing to add your comments. They’re always ‘food for thought’.
christina gombar says
Thanks for posting! I apologize for the typos. I was wondering which of your products might be appropriate for someone like me — who has been out of the paid workplace — for a long time, and who wishes to re-approach their current employer. Have you ever handled a client in a similar situation? Thanks.
Rosalind says
By products, do you mean the Programs I list? If yes, then what you’re looking for is the Back to Work Program. This is less ‘structured’ than the “Just in Time” or “Kickstart your Career”. From your brief description, hard to say I’ve worked with someone in same situation but I have worked several people who either wanted to return to a job they left or wanted to re configure their current job due to illness. We’d set specific outcomes at the outset and, if you choose, a time frame to do this within so you know what you’re signing on for — and proceed from there. Does that answer your question, Christina?
christina gombar says
Yes, thanks!
Pam Fitzgibbon says
I found this article to be right on target for me. I too am a big planner. But since my mom was diagnosed with severe dementia, 4 yrs ago, my whole life seems to have fallen apart.
I am overwhelmed. I have reached out to all kinds of help and I have FINALLY gotten my 2 siblings to help out with mom. But since I am the executor and have taken care of everything for so long, I am the one the nursing home or hospital or rehab calls.
Like the woman in the article, I have only been able to focus on what was important at the time and let everything else go. As a result, my health and financial situation have greatly suffered.
I like the idea of a 6 mos. life plan. I need to get back to some kind of part time work. I need and want my life back. Right now I would say my motivator is SURVIVAL.
Unless someone has been a caregiver, they cannot understand how consuming it can be. There is always something that only I can handle. I have severe chronic migraines and have had FMS for 25 yrs. So, the stress of all of this has almost put me in the hospital.
Many times I just want to give up. But I get up the next day and try again. I am single, no children and just feel like I have nothing to live for. I need to find my motivator.
I will work on that and my 6 mos work/life plan.
Thank you.
Pam
Rosalind says
I’ve had personal experience with this and know how utterly draining and completely dissembling it is. The caregiver role is so underrated and we, society, is just beginning to see what it does to people. I’m glad this article spoke to you but I’m wondering, what would motivate you? I have a hunch that’s going to be a tough nut to crack because it’s probably not a question you’ve had to ask yourself before. Let me know how it goes, ok?
Annie says
Great advice!! Thank you!!!!!