Tomorrow we’re going to euthanize our beloved goldendoodle, Iko. It’s very, very sad. He’s 7 1/2 years old and in his prime.
The difficult thing about a dog that has developed a chronic illness that the vet tells us ‘fatal’ (diagnosis: protein losing enteropathy) is knowing when it’s time to say goodbye. I know about living with chronic illness and I know how it can wear you down.
I’ve had a hard time knowing when it’s time to say enough and goodbye. My tendency toward seeing the positive has prevented me from seeing how sick he’d gotten. Lucky, my husband had a clearer eye.
I was a kid who was went from being terrified of dogs to desperately wanting one. But my brother was allergic to fur and I got a bird. I guess I wasn’t dedicated enough because it died when I forgot to feed it for a week.
When I brought home a dog I’d found on the street in my first college apartment, my roommate informed me she was allergic to dogs. But not cats. So the dog went to a shelter and I got 2 cats. They lived with me for many years through many changes.
I couldn’t possibly get a dog while the cats were living. I knew they’d go nuts. But when they died, I resolved this was the time. My husband and I were looking for a dog in the want ads the week I found out I was pregnant with my first child. He wisely put his foot down saying living with multiple sclerosis and having a baby was enough for our family to handle.
I finally got my first dog, Tasha, when our youngest child was 3. She was a malamute we found in a rescue center. Over the years, we got other dogs and often had 2 at a time.
I tried to choose dogs that my children would love and that would be good to them. I believed that animals would bring a bright spot into our lives. In my mind, having a dog in our home normalized what I worried could seem abnormal and difficult for our girls. I like to think it worked.
I’ve loved each animal in my life but Iko has held a special place in my heart from the day he arrived on a plane from Wisconsin. We got him when I was 53 and feeling as healthy as I’d ever been. I wanted a big dog to walk long distances with me since I no longer had colitis and the MS was so much better – – and I actually could walk. I wanted a dog that would hang out with me and be my loyal companion since I was working in my house full time and mostly alone.
Funny how it worked out. He was the hardest dog I’d ever had to train to simply walk on a leash. He pulled me down in his exuberance (and his fear of strangers) more than once giving meat least one concussion and several mashed bones along the way. He’s so loving that he can’t let you leave without tugging on your jacket – no matter how hard I tried to train it out of him. He’s been my best buddy and in my lowest moments, he’s made me laugh and reminded me that my life is good and full.
Animals can do that, can’t they? I’m generously paraphrasing from one of my favorite books, Marley and Me, “Part of having a dog is learning that you’re going to have to say good bye one day.”
Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter (Career Trend) says
Rosalind,
Your loyal companion and best buddy, Iko — what a touching story of your sweet relationship with your furry family member! I can so relate.
My heart goes out to you during this very difficult and sad time – I know words cannot remove the pain of the loss you are/will be experiencing.
Please know the Poindexter household is praying for your peace as you move through this. Our love to Iko!
Jacqui (PS – I loved the movie, Marley and Me. Great quote.)
Dawn Bugni says
Oh Rosalind –
Wiping tears and sending you a huge hug and lots of love to help carry you through this most heart-wrenching time. I’ve been where you are now and unfortunately, with the number of animals that share my life, see myself there again.
This is one of the bravest, most loving and most difficult decisions people with companion animals face. I firmly believe all dogs go to heaven. When he gets there, I’ll make sure one of my crew is there to greet him and show him where they hide the treats.
They bring such value while they’re here and leave permanent paw prints on our hearts when they go …
Sending you and yours strength … and extra special “pets” for Iko.
Miriam Salpeter, Keppie Careers says
Rosalind – I’m sorry your sweet Iko is sick. We recently found out our darling, 16-year old cat is sick and probably has little time left. We watch her every day for signs she is deteriorating. (So far, she’s acting just like her cat self.) I’ll be thinking of you and your family at this tough time.
Jules says
Oh Rosalind, I am so sorry that you have to say goodbye to Iko. No matter what anyone says, our “pets” are not just pets, they are members of the family. My thoughts and prayers are with you and with Iko as he makes his journey.
Karen says
I’ve been through this. Very hard to do. Very hard. I held my dog while it happened. I didn’t want her to be alone.
I did get another dog despite not wanting to deal with that again some day. She’s now 14. Her time may be coming. I will do it the same way.
Dogs are great friends. I’m glad I eventually got one, too.
Geri says
Oh Rosalind, my heart breaks for you and your family. Dogs fill a need in our lives that no human can; loyalty, unconditional love, just being w/you when no one else is. My dog is 10 yrs old and has been thru alot w/me. He’s the most loving little spirit God ever made; just thinking some day I’ll have to let him go brings tears to my eyes. He has so much love for me, all ppl and all dogs I know when he’s gone I’ll get another dog, but no dog will ever take his place. I pray you will have the strength to let him go, knowing you gave him great love and a great life.
leigh says
Oh rosalind, I’m so sorry. How sad. Being one with no maternal instincts, I’ve finally fallen in love with my first dog. She came with the man five years ago and I so dread facing what you are facing. Sending you a big hug and cyber box of tissues.
Medical-rights.com says
I was diagnosed with lymphoma in Feb 2010; live in Fl but sent to Duke University by my oncologist. I’m glad that I went there, even though it was expensive to stay for seven weeks of radiation; I am now free of lymphomas, at least for now. My symptom was a swelling of the lower leg and it was misdiagnosed by four different doctors in three states as a hematoma.
Dana says
I am a veterinarian and I know it is an extremely hard thing to do but for his sake it is the best decision you can make. Just remember God didn’t put these guys on earth without having a special place for them in heaven. He will be running around in heaven like a completely healthy pup.
Rosalind says
A lovely thought. I’ll hold it.
Rosalind says
Yes- it’s amazing what taking care of another being can bring out in us. It’s hard not to dread losing one you love– it does get in the way of the moment, though, doesn’t it? Thanks for the hug and tissues.
Rosalind says
Thanks, Dawn, for sending yours to meet mine. Iko loved nothing more than playing and especially with other 4 legged friends. I really got pleasure from reading your post.
Rosalind says
Thanks, Jacqui.
Rosalind says
Thanks, Miriam – time is always never enough, is it?
Rosalind says
Yup, we definitely lost a family member.
Rosalind says
Thanks, Karen, for sharing your thoughts. Holding Iko at the end was so important. We’ll surely get another – always have.
Rosalind says
We let him go because it was his time. Loving is that way, don’t you think? Thanks for writing.
Jason Reid says
My heart goes out to you Rosalind. It’s almost like pets become part of us. The connection is often greater when we’re ill (they’re a buddy who never judges us), and when we work from home (they’re our constant companion). I recently found out my cat has a chronic kidney disease and I was surprised at how upset I was. I think I deal with ill people better than ill pets.
Alexz Ross says
@Rosalind, I am sorry for your loss, I love dogs too.