Following several performance cancellations, James Levine, maestro conductor of the Boston Symphony Orchestra and the Metropolitan Opera Orchestra, is “…looking very carefully at his work schedule to stay healthier.” . I wish him luck with that.
Maestro Levine is 67 years old and has survived two bouts with cancer. In the past few years, disabling back problems due to a fall, have periodically kept him from conducting. A year ago, I wrote (Filling the Bank) about Levine’s challenges, saying that he was fortunate because his position had earned him loyalty and he would have more leeway than most to figure out his capacity.
Wouldn’t you think he’d write his own ticket regarding what he wants to do? Then why did he commit to a grueling Fall/Winter season schedule?
Here are my hunches:
- He can’t believe that the back problems aren’t something he can push beyond. He’s spent his life working as hard as a person can and getting rewarded for that behavior.
- He can’t believe that this won’t “go away” with some rest. Rest, medicine and treatment/surgery – one or the other is usually a cure. Most people are unprepared for what chronic does to you.
- He can’t believe, because maybe he hasn’t had to until now, that there is any place between all or nothing.
I’m no “world class” success and I don’t have as much to lost when working gets hard. But it’s difficult for me to accept when my ailing body doesn’t improve — and I’ve had over 30 years to practice. Last August I wrote about some broken bones, maintaining I wasn’t too upset because bones, unlike chronic illness, heal. Silly me. Don’t you think I’d know that nothing is for sure with my body’s wacky nervous system (multiple sclerosis)?
I find that a new health setback requires readjusting to a new normal. How can something that sounds so simple be so tough?
This kind of “readjust” requires keen self observation, strategic thinking. It’s actually much more efficient with thoughtful help from a neutral, supportive party (yes, I do mean a coach).
Recently a new client told me that she’d taken six months off from work to “get better” a few years back . Her health improved but those were also the worst months of her life, she said. Now she’s sick again. But this time she doesn’t want to consider leaving work. Instead, she’s struggling to figure out what it’s going to take to maintain at work. Good thing for her that she’s made several years of good investment in that good will piggy bank at her current job.
She’s not a world class conductor and knows the bank can empty. Hey, let’s face it. Even Levine can tap out on his “good will “savings if he can’t replenish it.
What do you think about filling the bank? Does time “off” heal you?
Living with the moving target of chronic illness is hard. There are so many variables and impossible to predict.
The truth is that chronic illness is unique and unlike anything else people face. At least in my experience. How so?
- It waxes and wanes, gets better and worse, and not always based on what you do. In fact, even if it is dependent on your activity, man people report that there are still many variables. That means you’re at a loss to predict when you’ll be worse.
- It’s chronic, which means it’s never completely gone. Unlike a disease which can be “cured” by surgery or a traumatic event that occurs, this never goes away nor does it stay the same. So, you’re trying to adapt to a changing situation.
- It’s almost always invisible to others. Even if you have a disease that has objective and physical findings, it’s rarely obvious to the “naked eye”. That means that you can look at yourself and believe you’re well even when you feel horrible. And others will do the same -unless you talk about it.
Emily says
I have always felt myself to be reliable. That was until the last few years have taken a toll on my capacity to endure. Now I don’t know from one day to the next what I will be able to do. It is extremely frustrating to me because while I enjoy challenges being challenged just to get up and put on my clothes is not desirable. I am no longer able to continue pushing through the pain, and no amount of will power fixes it. Big sigh.
Jason Reid says
Rosalind,
This is such a powerful article it’s hard to know where to start. Chronic illness challenges us and there is no one fix. Will power is important but can only take you so far. Despite what some health practitioners say, sometimes you can do all the right things and still experience a flare-up.
That being said, taking the opposite approach and ignoring ways you can improve other aspects of your health involves short-changing yourself in the long run.
For me it’s a constant process of knowing myself and my body and being aware when things change for the better or worse, but trying not to make a drama out of it. I also push myself to explore my limits being aware that, even if I can’t do something today doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t do it tomorrow. Long-term planning though is a bit of a crap-shoot. There are no guarantees.
Of course there are no guarantees for anyone in this life. We all have limits – sick or well.
Jason
Rosalind says
Emily -I completely understand. I find that “focusing” — the practice I do with a partner or you can use a guide – really makes the difference for me. We have to find ways to let it expand in us rather than try to contain it so it explodes.
Rosalind says
Jason, So true about it’s a constant process. No guarantees even how we’ll respond to it. Thanks for you always thoughtful remarks. Rosalind
Whitney says
Levine just resigned due to health issues
Rosalind says
Yup- Must be really hard for him. No one is talking about how emotionally difficult this must be. But we can relate!
Baffled says
Hubby has worked with Levine in the past and when I told him the news his comment was “he doesn’t take care of himself”. Not sure what that means exactly.
Most people that are at the top of their game don’t take care of their bodies unless they are athelets. They are so hyperfocused that it is almost as if their bodies don’t exist. I’m guessing that this is probably the case with Levine. You also have to realize that lots of world class muscicians suffer from repetative strain injuries. They just push through and ‘suffer for their art’.
Becoming chronically ill forces one to pay attention to the body in new ways and think differently. Some people never make the connection that what they eat and how they exercise (or not) affects their bodies in profound ways. Chornicity forces this on you.
I hope Levine takes care of himself better and takes the time to heal.
Rosalind says
I don’t think it’s really possible to “take care of yourself” in the traditional way we think of it when you’re living with illness — not if you want to hold onto a high powered job. And I imagine that Levine’s is another level of intensity and time that most of us can’t imagine. I think that his body is used to being pushed and so is his brain. It must have taken an enormous message to get through that protection he’s developed. I have a hunch that he won’t change his behavior much and maybe that’s for the best- he’ll live a life he wants.
JP says
As one who has always been proud of how they could keep going in the midst of adversity, I have been reminded that our health and joy is much more important than a bruised ego. Times stepping back to be refreshed and renewed are not only healthy but vital at times while living a life with chronic illness as well as if caring for another with chronic illness also.
Life is short, we need to enjoy it. Set out sights on what that meas and go for it!
Rosalind says
It sounds ike you have learned a lot of valuable lessons and are able to live them. Thanks for sharing.