(Names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of my clients.)
Sue recently had a particularly bad flare with Crohn’s disease. For the first time, she couldn’t get to work reliably. After a few weeks of struggling to get to the office, she told her boss about her health problems and asked to switch to a virtual schedule that allowed her to work from home. Luckily, she had a job that she could do “virtually”. Her boss sent out an email to the office saying that Sue was unwell and would be back in the office full time when she was better.
Within a few months, the “flare” calmed down and Sue returned to her regular office schedule. Her work output had stayed the same and her lack of physical presence didn’t seem to have made any difference in team performance. She didn’t think there would be a problem going back to her old schedule.
But when she returned to the office full time, she felt cut off from her team, like an ‘outcast’. Making things worse, Sue was often preoccupied with worry that she’d get sick again and have to return to working from home. She felt stuck and even a little paranoid. For the first time in her career, she felt unmotivated and resentful at work.
She sought out her closest friend on the team, Dave, to talk about it. Dave told her that even before she went “virtual”, she’d been tense and withdrawn for weeks. Sometimes she made mistakes but didn’t acknowledge it. When she stopped showing up, people on the team seemed relieved that she wasn’t around. But it didn’t help that she hadn’t explained to anyone what was going on or why she was working from home.
Furthermore,although they knew she was sick, they resented her. She was getting the “special treatment” by working at home but she was still being difficult with them. When she returned, she hadn’t bothered to explain what had happened. And the worst part is that she seems unaware that she acting differently.
Sue was relieved that she wasn’t imagining the bad feelings. But she was angry and hurt because she didn’t think she should have to explain herself to anyone. She felt her health was a private matter and they should understand that.
I asked her how this behavior was working for her. That’s when she realized that although this had not been a problem for her before, she now faced a situation in which her tendency to keep things to herself is getting in her way.
Mary says
I think this was a definite case for explaining. Even if there were no other issues (her making mistakes and not acknowledging them, being remote and withdrawn), virtual working changes team dynamics and may place additional burdens on communication from team members. I have done it when other team members needed it, so I have plenty of experience. It can and does work, but it requires cooperation and patience, and adjustments from all sides. And if the reason is “illness” but without an explanation of what is going on and how it will affect the team, it can only get worse. It does not mean one has to share medical details, but I think this is the definite case for illness affecting other people at work and some explanation should be necessary.
Rosalind says
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Baffled says
I think a team meeting with maybe an HR rep present. Her illness is private and she shouldn’t have to tell and she is not legally required to. However, she does need to explain that she has been very ill and appologize to her teamates for being disconnected from the team. She needs to let them know that she is back and ready to work again. She needs to let them know that she might have made some mistakes due to the illness and that if she makes any more just to let her know and she will work to rectify the situation. Remeber illness often magnifies problems that already exist in a relationship and the workplace is no different.
Rosalind says
Good point about how illness can magnify existing problems Thanks for your contribution.
Diana says
My friend who has MS had the same problem. I urged her to let her staff know that she was sick but she didn’t want to tell. After months of being off sick frequently and coming in late with no explanation her staff began acting out and taking off frequently because my friend did. When she became really ill she had to tell her staff she had MS and needed their help. Once they knew what was going on they stepped up and actually became protective of her health and the atmosphere is much better, now that they know.
Rosalind says
Thanks, for that example, Diana.
Nancy says
Your client is not obligated to share the details of her medical history. However, she was quite naive if she expected to have a virtual work situation created, unexplained absences all while being part of a team and expect things to run smoothly without an explanation.
Just a basic team mtg. to explain and disclose the surface details of the situation would be sufficient. I like the idea of including the HR rep (if the office has one).
Colleagues can feel jaded. A teammate may have asked to replicate Sue’s work schedule & been denied. That can stir the pot of animosity when you don’t know the truth behind the story.
C says
This is a good discussion. I have fibromyalgia and I do look back and see that I was a miserable person at work when first diagnosed, having to work through all my pain and exhaustion and not understanding any of it. I have a more positive outlook now and am easier to work with (fortunately!) but I still do have struggles somedays. My job performance however has not wavered, thankfully. My bosses and HR know, although I am not sure they fully understand everything; and I’ve told 3 of my coworkers I am closest with, but I feel uncomfortable telling the others on my team. I work directly with them but am not that close on a personal level, and most people that I tell I have fibro don’t understand it so it ends up being more of a disservice than anything, so I guess thats my reservation in telling more people at work. Its quite the quandry, I don’t want them to feel sorry for me, but I want some understanding in my physical limitations or struggles, but I don’t want to tell them the reason I have these struggles :/ Grrrrr! Advice?
Rosalind says
Nancy — Thanks for your thoughts on this. What I’ve learned is that no 2 situations are alike and there’s no right or easy answer. These are tricky waters to navigate and risks no matter how you move. That’s where working with a coach can realy help!
Rosalind says
C- It sounds like you’ve done a terrific job managing such a difficut challenge. I know that I can feel pretty miserable when I’m in chronic pain, diagnosis or not. It’s really hard to be around others, isn’t it? It can also be isolating, can’t it? It’s understandable that you don’t want pity — and maybe even worry they’ll won’t understand and it will get in your way. I don’t offer “advice” on this kind of issue. I’m a coach and I ask questions. What do you gain from talking about it? What might you lose? You might check out my Career Thrive Guidebook Series on my website (https://cicoach.com) – resources page – “Are You Talking” has some suggestions that could be helpful.
Mark Dyson says
It is too bad that a situation has to occur, before awareness training takes place. I agree that awareness should take place without targeting any specific illnesses. However, fairness is rarely considered before it becomes an issue.
The team will need reassurance form the team leader and management that this person has contributed to the team, and to “hold up her arms” as this is a challenging time for her.
Rosalind says
Thanks for your input, Mark. I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve said. It’s not about chronic illness per se -it’s about how teams behave! Great point.
C says
Thank you Rosalind and Mark! I do like the idea of my managers helping to reassure my team, that’s a good idea. Thank you!
Shauna says
Hi Rosalind!!
It is great to read your expert takes on the job market with the fact that many live with chronic illness and yes, we still need jobs!!
I am not surprised that this certain situation you wrote of tells of an anger and jealousy in co-workers. This brings us back to the ever nagging question; should we disclose during an interview, or wait until we are hired and have to take time off for doctor appointments, procedures, etc.?
So many varying feelings on this subject. I visited a site you have listed here; at career by choice; and saw that most employers nowadays google prospective employees and judge a lot of a possible interview on what they find. (Or don’t find!)
I am all over the web…having written my blog for over 3 years now, I was wondering what you thought about the fact that as I actively seek employment in nursing again, and HR googles me, and reads my blog that concentrates on my life in chronic pain, do you feel that they may go one route and immediately discredit my ability to perform the job because of the pain? Or would they be able to see that for 3 years I have concentrated on teaching others, have a deep interest in pain issues and medications used, and that I am not saying, “poor me”, but, “How can I make my life work even more positive with living in pain?”
I will place your blogs on my blogroll and it is sure good to ‘see’ you again! If you remember, I hosted you when your Keep Working Girlfriend book first came out….ahhh how time flies!!
Thanks Rosalind…I hope you are feeling AWAP!! (As Well As Possible!) <3
Rosalind says
Hi Shauna – Regarding how HR folks will respond… Who can say for sure? For one thing, HR is a job title but it’s filled with people of all shapes, color and hopefully, ideas. It’s impossible to predict how your blogging might impact your success in getting a job but you can certainly try to shape this in the positive light you write about. At the end of the day, do you want to work for someone — or someplace — that doesn’t want to hire someone with your capacities? That’s a critical question, no matter how desperate we are for working again. I love it: AWAP to you, too.
Wendy Burnett says
I can only offer how I handled it when I worked in an office/team environment and was experiencing flares that required me to take a great deal of time off, and how I would handle it now.
I needed to take several FMLA leaves to deal with my issues, and I was very open with my coworkers about why I needed to be out. Most of them SEEMED to be understanding about it, however, because my illnesses are not well understood by the general public (even many doctors still believe that my illness isn’t “real”) some thought that I was malingering or faking.
If I had to do it again, I would simply tell my coworkers that I was ill and not physically able to be present in the office the way I would like to be, but I would NOT provide any details about diagnoses. In addition, I would explain that even though it might seem that I was receiving “special treatment,” the company was in reality only providing the accommodations required under the ADA due to my medical problems. I would also apologize for any crankiness or distancing that might happen due to the pain and stress of my illness, explaining that it was caused by my physical issues and not intentional behavior on my part.
Rosalind says
Wendy – This is valuable information. Thanks for sharing it here. Too often we don’t know what to do in the moment but hindsight gives us some clarity.
C says
Wendy, that is good info, thank you for sharing! My company is trying to get me to take FMLA/sick time for the HOURS when I go to doctor’s appointments (I am salaried), but only ones related to my chronic illness. But they are not making others within the company with chronic illnesses do the same. It makes me feel like they don’t truly understand FMLA laws and the applications. I don’t go to a lot of doctor’s appointments, and I work extra hours as needed, and I only had 3 sick days last year from work! Everyone else in my departments used ALL 6 of their sick days and then some!! Its frustrating as I don’t feel my HR Department is a good resource :/
Rosalind says
C – I’m not a lawyer but I don’t think your company is correct in how they are applying FMLA. You can go to government websites to look this up but you can also check Advocacy for Patients wtih Chronic Illness http://www.advocacyforpatients.org/ — You can find out your “rights” there. It sounds as if your employer isn’t really “behind” you on this – that they don’t understand what you need to do a good job. Have you considered what you can do to educate them, talk to them, about this?
Fibromyalgia and Faith says
I think that it depends on what type of people you work with. Even if you think you can trust them enough to tell them, I would have a meeting with HR present. This is coming from personal experience and mistakes I made in the traditional workplace when I was working and became ill. Great post!
C says
I def like the idea of a meeting, as that addresses it as something to be treated on a serious level, and I like the idea of including HR representative, however unfortunatley my company’s HR dept is not competent enough to rely upon :/
Rosalind says
I think it’s really important to know the value of HR within your organization.
Kelli says
I agree that a meeting is a good idea.. As for disclosing medical details I think that is a personal decision Sue needs to make to decide exactly how much info to share. If the HR department functions properly and has been involved inhelping adjust her work environment up to this point, I think that including an HR rep would be a smart idean howevef, if HR has not really been there, I’d include the staff that helped put this in place insteadt.
I think Sue needs to be careful with how much she shares in regards to her health as there are certain stigmas, and incorrect assumptions made about may medical conditions. Fibromyalgia and Faith metioened this and I have to agree whole heartedly.
Sue is also a smart and estute woman. I was in a similar situation and didn’t really think about what my co worker might think or feel about my ongoing medical absences. It didn’t occur to me that there might be any problems there, but in hindsight, there was a lot of tension that I wasn’t aware of at the time.. I guess that would have to be chalked up to youthful oblivious & nievity..
I am currious, however, as to how this worked out as this entry was posted over a year-and-a-half ago.
Rosalind says
Hi – These are good points you make. I think that ‘youthful oblivion’ can be pretty powerful but it can last a lifetime if we’re not careful. As to how it worked out, almost all of the specific situations I describe are an amalgam of different client’s stories. It protects their privacy and allows me to make a clear point. So I can’t say ‘how it worked out.’