(Names and details have been altered to protect the privacy of my clients.)
Judy is in her 3rd “flare” of Hashimoto’s disease in 5 years and on short term disability leave. In our first conversation, Judy told me that she was torn between worrying about losing her job and the desire to quit.
This isn’t a newly hired “20 something” with few skills. She’s a successful senior health care executive with a proven track record at the same company for 20 years. You wouldn’t think she would worry about losing her job because she’s sick. Or that she’d want to leave because she has periodic times of debilitating illness. But both are true.
After Judy did some “self observing” exercises, she realized that it’s not the symptoms that make working so difficult. It’s how others respond and the need to keep explaining. She wonders about the comments that seem to imply she’s a slacker. She gets angry thinking about those who ask how she is and look away when she tells the truth — or those who don’t respond when she says she’s not feeling well. There are those who ask too many questions and give advice when all she wants to do is work. And others who drip with empathy. Finally, she’s amazed how often people seem to forget that she’s ill and keep piling on the work when she’s said that this a bad time for her.
In the more than ten years of working as a chronic illness career coach, the concerns of talking about illness at work continues to stay at the top of the charts. I’ve found that it’s the on-going conversation that is most challenging when you live with illness. Even if you disclose with “positive” results and get what you need without losing your job, illness isn’t predictable nor does it stay the same. This means you have to keep talking about it. Are You Talking, part of my Career Thrive Guidebook Series, offers tips and strategies to help you with this.
In the final analysis, even those with the best of intentions often don’t “get it right”. That’s because, as another client said recently, “Living with chronic illness is living with a moving target”. That means that we’re often as clueless as anyone about what we need.
How is it going for you?
Carol Adams says
I worked for about 3 yrs after being diagnosed and hospitalized with Lupus. I was only able to work half time until I had a flare of Neuro Myelitis Optica in 2007 which wasn’t diagnosed until 200 9 during my second flare.
Oddly enough I worked in a coronary intensive care unit and my RN coworkers were, for the most part, not sympathetic nor was my manager. I felt that she feared that she would be viewed as showing favoritism to me if she was flexible at all.
What was also strange was that another co worker in her late 20s was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer which of course is horrible at any age. She was given leeway that I was not because they were pretty sure that this was terminal, which it was. She died about 2 yrs later. I did feel that since my illness was not imminently terminal (which isn’t really true, just their perception) then I should just buck up and deal. They took up collections for this girl and gave her about $10,000.
Let me say that prior to her diagnosis she was not at all well liked and just tolerated. She was a strange bird and not terribly competent.
All in all, I eventually decided not to go back to work after my flare in 09 which my neurologist whole heartedly supported. He encouraged me to file for disability which I received quite quickly. The unit I was working in was going thru many changes and people were over the edge as one can imagine. I just didn’t think that the stress was worth it any longer. I couldn’t work with that stress along with the non support that I felt.
I am very happy not to be back there as I have heard it only gets worse, but I do miss the patient contact and such.
It is quite frustrating and hurtful that a nurse with 30 yrs experience is valued so little. Since then I have heard of this happening to another RN who had to have both her knees replaced and couldn’t go back to work as soon as they thought she should…so she is not only trying to rehab but is fighting with them to.
Well… that’s my take on this…
Thanks so much, Enjoy reading this even though I don’t work.
Diana says
I’m tired of explaining myself to others who just don’t get it so now I don’t, except for a select few who do care. I’m coming out of a lupus flare and plantar fasciatis episode that has lasted for almost a year so i just let my behavior speak for itself. My primary concern is that I get well so I do what I need to do to make that happen. Fortunately, I work in a live and let live environment so when I need to “slack” I do, with no questions asked.
Rosalind says
You are lucky, Diana, that you don’t have to think about this. But I’d bet that you intuitively know your boundaries so you don’t go over “the line”.
Diana says
Uou’re right, I do know my boundaries and try to work extra hard when I do feel well so that it all evens out. It’s a real blessing to be able to work this way.
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