When I was young and the only one I knew with bad health, I felt like the rotten apple in a bowl of healthy fruit. It didn’t matter where I was — at work, with family or with friends. No one could relate. I worried that my “bruises” made me stand out and unappealing.
But now that I’m older and often in a crowd of 55+ folks, everyone has a tale of bad health. I’m no longer alone. Does it feel easier? Yes.
The same thing happens to those who are currently unemployed, another “socially difficult” state of being. One client said that it’s easier for her to go to be with other people now that everyone knows someone out of a job. But being under 40, she still can’t talk easily about her illness.
There’s something wrong with this picture. Are people so unable to empathize with an event outside of their experience? Do we have to be among others who share our sufferings to feel comfortable? Or are we unnecessarily paranoid and uselessly isolating ourselves?
I’m going to find a sandbox to play in – – maybe I’ll be lucky enough to find someone else in my state of health and employment to play with!
Diana says
Yes I do believe that most people are unable to empathize with events outside of their own experience. At some point I think we should stop expecting them to do so and just get on with our lives and do for ourselves what we need to do. It took me 10 years after being diagnosed with Lupus to get a “handicapped” placard for my car because I was afraid of what people would think. Wish I had done it sooner.
Rosalind says
It’s so true about the placard — and the “empathy”. But it’s not just about illness – people have a hard time getting out of their skins. Thanks for sharing, as always, Diana.
Robin says
It is usual that working woman look at me and wonder why I can’t do a fulltime job just like them….and often the envy begins, which is quite disconcerting.
Shirley says
I loved your article – it was some great information. I think you and your readers might be interested in another article I found,
Medical and dry eyes.
http://whatistheeye.wordpress.com
GD says
This is exactly why groups & networks like The 405 Club – (un)Employment Support Network (http://the405club.com) — are so necessary. They help people like your client get out of bed, not be so ashamed of their current state and move onward ever!
-GD
Rosalind says
Robin – I’ve known that envy from people who work full time- one friend once commented to my husband that he was lucky to have a home cooked meal on the table each night. And that was after I’d given up my college teaching job and was on SSDI. When it comes up, I think to myself, careful what you wish for!