When we were living in our first apartment, my husband would ask me, ” Why do we have to wash the kitchen floor once a week if it doesn’t look dirty?”
How do you answer something that seems so obvious?
When people tell me that summer vacations is a source of stress – I think of the kitchen floor syndrome. It starts this way:
“How could I take a vacation when I can barely make it through a day?” (or, Why clean the floor if you can’t see the dirt?)
“I couldn’t possibly take time off from work when I’m already so behind.” (or, Why clean now when you can do it tomorrow when it’s really dirty?)
“My boss (my co workers) would be furious if I take vacation time when I’ve already missed so much time because of illness.” (or, Why clean the floor when the entire house is a mess?)
Well, maybe all of that is true. But, do you want to be that person? Ask yourself, do you believe that your body, your mind and your spirit could use a break today?
Sure a trip to Paris sounds grand (though, who wants to get on airplane with those delays, anyway?) But, even a short drive to somewhere different – for a few days in a row – instead of going into work — is a break from your routine and some new juice in the old engine.
You know, as I do, that when you live with chronic illness and you feel like you’re always coming from behind, it’s easy to forget that you also need “fun”. I know – I’ve done it. The first few years that I was working for myself, I never took a real break. I always brought my laptop with me and answered email, wrote articles and generally continued to think constantly about work. I’d get up early in the morning so my family wouldn’t notice. I told myself I was doing it because I loved it.
Then, a few years ago, my business coach (yes, I have one, too!) asked me if I really thought I had to be working when I was on vacation – or was I doing it because I was scared not to? That’s when the lightbulb went off. I was working so hard just so I could to prove to myself that chronic illness was not going to get in my way of building a successful business. But I was slowly and surely wearing myself down doing it this way.
Living with an illness means that you can work and can take the time to regroup and regenerate. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that if we wait too long to clean the grime, we won’t be able to see the color of the floor. Or remember who we are.
Rosalind aka cicoach.com
Jenny Levinson says
I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment, but how do you explain this to people at work? My boss definitely doesn’t think I should be taking vacation when I am out so much do to my health, but sick days are definitely NOT a vacation! (This is in no way performance related — it seems to be an issue of “fairness” or something like that with my boss. With my colleagues, it’s the usual resentment issues we all deal with.) Plus, I have a family (including a young child). Is it fair to deprive them of a family vacation?
So, what’s the secret to taking vacation and not generating problems at work?
Rosalind says
Good question, Jenni. It’s true – that just thinking it should be so, doesn’t make it so. But as you probably no, there is no “secret” . Nor do I think there is ONE answer. This is the stuff I work on with clients when they get stuck. My first question for you is, so are you planning a vacation in spite of his attitude? My next question is: how do you know he thinks this and what have you done about it? At a certain point that only you can figure out, you have to do what you believe is right for you and act with intention – rather than feeling your making decisions are a defensive response… which only leaves you feeling more like you’re coming from behind and out of balance. Does that help?
Sherry says
Rosalind this is a great topic and your answer to Jenny offered a place for her to start a dialogue with her boss and to revisit her true feeling. I am learning and the longer I live the more I find this statement to be true, ‘a conversation about an subject with another person can shine a light and bring a new perspective to the surface’. Your ideas in your book offer ways to arrange for workloads to be rearranged or shared to complete work on time. Also ways to allow for a person who needs unexpected time off work to arrange with fellow workers to easy the load and make up work when you return. My experience has shown me that the unknown and ‘no plan to deal with the unexpected’ can be the elephant in the issue. Getting the job done when needed is what I have found employers want and expect. Vacation can be handled much the same way. I agree with you that rest and refreshing our energy and views is the reason to take a vacation. Making a long difficult trip does not refresh me and I find I cannot enjoy the place I visit. No matter where we live there are places with in a short distance we can relax and enjoy and a vacation can be simple and fun with out a difficult trip to get there.
Rosalind says
I also think there’s another elephant that often enters this room – and that is that no matter how you slice and dice it – even the most encouraging and kind co-workers can resent that a sick person needs time off or a different schedule.
Erika23 says
Interesting because while searching the net I found your blog about of course i dont agree with everything but you have good points. thx for the info!
Mary says
I lived without a decent vacation for years because no one wanted to fully cover for me (or did not know how). I was working extra hard to prove that my illness did not get in the way of doing an impossible job. And I ended up doing myself in. I cried that first time a co-worker said that she would be happy to cover for me while I was on vacation. No one had ever done that before! Not even my boss had offered that-mainly becuase he was clueless about how to do anything in my work.
I have been doing short little vacations-3 day weekends, etc. But they do not refresh the way that a 2 week vacation does. I decided that I would never again work a job where people did not want to cover for me. And I will not allow the amount of sick time that I have used effect my eligibility for a vacation. As I am developing a new position, I am making certain that there are people who can cover for me.
mary
Rosalind says
Hooray for you, Mary. You figured out what didn’t work and made sure it’s not still happening. Great job. It’s not easy to do and sometimes – not possible to do alone. But most important, is to pay attention so you can act with intention!