How do you know when it’s time to tell your boss about your chronic illness?
I got this question in my email today (I added the bold):
“At what point, if ever, do I need to tell my employer I have a chronic illness? In the past, I’ve always gone with the philosophy of not mentioning it until something happens and it causes me to need to take a week off to rest, or I get an episode of double vision and can’t drive or read my computer monitor. At my current position, I was here 4 years before anything came up. I always figured that if I proved myself to my employer first, by being reliable, smart, and doing good work, they’d cut me some slack when I needed time off or some kind of accommodation. Is this a good approach or not? Is there something better?”
Obviously she feels uncomfortable — but I’m not sure she’s identified what’s really bugging her. And that’s a problem because when you don’t know what’s wrong, you come to conclusions that don’t solve the real problem. Here are some questions I have:
1. Do you think that this illness hurts your performance?
2. Do you think that telling your employer earlier (before an episode) would make a difference in your ability to get your work done?
3. You say they haven’t “cut you slack”. Do you think that’s the nature of this organization or is it something that you might be doing?
I didn’t give advice. I don’t know enough about her to do that. Anyway, there are specific and concrete suggestions for how, why and when to disclose at work in my Career Thrive Guidebook, Are You Talking?
Too often, we don’t know what’s really bugging us – and we make decisions that don’t solve the real problem. I have a hunch that’s true for the person who emailed me.
You can give yourself the challenge to find out what needs to be different for you to work successfully living with a chronic illness. Read about how I work with people, a lot like you, on my website . And then contact me so we can talk about how my coaching programs can help you stay working in the best way that you can.
Rosalind
Mary says
Yes-my illness affects my performance. Sometimes I work slower. Sometimes I have to come in late because my motor is not working. I have always had the ability to flex my schedule or do work at home. Now I have a new supervisor-who does not “get it”. He says that I am not entitled to comp time if I have used leave that week. I tell him, that the reason I have touse leave is because he is not allowing me to make up time by staying later. We went round about on this for awhile. he concluded by asking if I had ever considered applying formally for job accomodation.
I don’t really like the idea of doing that. I feel that puts my illness on the table and would mean I have to disclose more than I really want to.
Mary
Rosalind says
Hi Mary,
You’ve already figure out two key steps – how the symptoms affect your performance and what you need to do the job well. I You were lucky that you had that flex but I’m not surprised a new superisor doesn’t “get it”. Terms like comp time, leave, accommodations — make these issues more difficult. It sounds as if this supervisor is pushing you into a position that makes you uncomfortable. And you’re going to have to make some choices that might not be optimal to you. You might start with my Guidebook -‘Are you Talking?” – it would help you identify some ways to talk about this (if you do). Rosalind
Mary says
I am back in therapy/counseling because of the work upheaval. Actually I should have gone back before. But it wasn’t until I got stuck in my grief process that i went for help. I had a session this morning and my therapist said essentially the same thing-minus the part about buying your book. :-0 LOL!!
There is a general feeling of gloom in our dept because of the changes we have gone through. And everyone is a bit uptight about not having an honor system for comp time presently. But the issue for me is admitting that I am “that sick”. I think I am a little surprised that I still have some denial going on in this area.
I have a t-shirt that I sometimes wear that says “I have Fibromyalgia-but it does not have me.” Asking for work accomodation says to me that is one win for the “beast” that I try to keep under control. I work hard at being as well as I can, which occupies a great deal of energy.
Boy! I am glad that my e-mail address does not show here! And i don’t think I have identified where I work.
Mary
Rosalind says
Funny, how it’s hard to “go back” when you need/want help. It’s common to grieve – and to struggle admitting what we “need” – how sick we might be or whatever the issue is if it’s not something that we’d choose for ourselves. No, you haven’t identified where you work — and that’s one of the things that makes these issues so tricky. We have to stay under the radar for fear of being found out. And because of that, employers don’t have to face their own mistakes. I think that’s a good topic for a post…
Rosalind