This weekend I had the best mother’s day present I could imagine: dinner with my two daughters. My husband had something else to do, so it was just the girls and I having sushi, our favorite thing to do since they were each a pint size.
If you’re a parent, you know what I mean when I say that you can never be sure what you’ll find when you’re with your kids. What a relief that they were both talkative and glad to be together. There we were, munching on tuna and yellow tail sashimi, talking about what they’re going to do with their lives. Listening to their dreams made my head spin. They’re almost 20 & almost 23 – not little kids. They’ve each had their ups and downs, triumphs and disappointments and they know life can be a tough nut. But they talked about what they want to do with a conviction that they’ll be able to accomplish what they set out to do and it made my heart sing.
I didn’t find every mother’s day so easy. I’m not blaming a life of chronic illness, either, when I say that. It’s just that parenting really is as tough a job as you can get.
No doubt my chronic illness has shaped their lives, though. I can’t help but believe that it gave them unusual strength of character and compassion. Sure, maybe they ‘d have had it anyway – I’ll never know. Would EmmaRose have held my elbow as we walked across the street just in case my balance was bad (which it was), if she hadn’t had a lifetime of paying attention to the nuance of her mom’s health?
Or would Lucy have thought to remind me of the address of the hotel as I got into the cab, knowing full well how bad my memory can be? I’m glad that they learned early on that the world revolved around them but that you need to notice the rest of the people, too.
Parenting has been the best job I’ve had. But, I’m glad it’s not the only job I’ve done, though. It hasn’t been easy to hold down a few jobs at once with a chronic illness. But, I don’t think I would have enjoyed it nearly as much if it was the only thing I’d done. Nor would I have been the mom that I’ve been.
Rosalind
Jackie says
Yes, it is nice to be able to do those things. I understand that it’s hard to NOT blame yourself for a chronic illness, I do it almost daily. For instance, I have used the words “feeling guilty” during our phone sessions numerous times; and I DO feel guilty.. it’s hard not to. I find that when I miss out on important events (such as dinners like you spoke about in your post) I feel so guilty for not going, but then my body feels even worse. Tonight, for example, it was my boyfriend’s mother’s birthday and I was supposed to go to a fancy sit down dinner with his whole family… I cancelled at the last minute, only to find myself alone and upset that I had not gone. I know that at times, it’s good to push yourself to get out into the world and be with the people important to you. It can be very healing..