Crohn's Disease symptoms threw me off track for 13 years

Last week I was talking to one of the most trusted members of my personal support team, Janet. I think of her as my spiritual coach; it’s a generic term for the role she’s played on my road to health and healing. She’s intuitive, she’s tuned in, she’s wise and also very down to earth. We were talking about my frustration about the degree to which I am impacted by the ups and downs of what happens in my husband’s financial life. (You may remember from a post a couple of months ago that his ex-wife is asking for more child support. It happened, she got it.) I’ve been looking at this very closely and realize that if I were steady in my monthly income, and at the level I desire, it really wouldn’t matter if she receives a few extra hundred a month. I would be fine. So Janet asked a few questions.

She asked about my business revenue. When I told her how much I have made in some months in the last year she said, “Wow!” You’re doing much better! (Oops, I’d been looking at what was missing rather than the strides I’d made.)

We started talking about what I, personally, require to be successful in business. She mentioned things like structure and recognition and my ability to be focused inside structure. She wondered what takes me off track at times and what kinds of things get in my way of staying focused. We looked at the projects I’m engaged with in present time that contribute the most to my bottom line, and the qualities of those projects. She’d asked me if there were any other times when I was being financially well rewarded, where I had a sense of financial security and recognition from my peers. We ended up on a journey back to the 7+ years I worked for Waldenbooks and Brentano’s, a time when I was happy and well compensated. And then I saw what I’d failed to see before. Right smack in the middle of this wonderful wave of success, I became ill. Within 8 months I was demoted (I lost my beloved training position with the company), and have been working my way back since. By God, it did happen to me!
And, then she said the most amazing thing. She said, “Joan, you were ill for many, many years and you’ve only had your full energy back for two years. You’re really doing very well and you need to give yourself a break.”

I don’t know if you, too, feel the importance of these two sentences, but they made a world of difference to me. I’d never stopped working – unless you count disability leave – so I didn’t understand the real impact of being ill for so long. I was just living my life, doing the best I can.

Now I see my present situation differently. I see that I’m actually on track to regain my financial capacity to take care of myself, and that I’m in a very similar place in my career path as I was before being ill. This time I’m in business for myself, working in partnership with some great people to get our work done. I’m a trainer, once again, but in a different field. Hm. Time to look through a different lens, don’t you think?
It was real. I was derailed, and so I think I’ll appreciate and love myself a little more today. Will you do the same for you?

Joan