Isn’t it just that way for some of us? Headstrong and determined, we’re not going to let this illness stop us. Sure, we’ll work around it, but stop us? Never!
I received an interesting article from an old issue of Pink Magazine yesterday. The title is “Fever Pitch: Health on the Line but Working Overtime?” by Mary Anne Dunkin (Pink, Oct/Nov 2005). It includes the stories of several women dealing with various rather serious illnesses: cancer (and treatments) a heart attack (and treatments) and lupus (and treatments). Each one described responded to her situation similarly. A model with lupus tried to resume her modeling career as soon as treatments got her back to something resembling normal. A high-level administrator returned to work so quickly after a heart attack she had a repeat one shortly thereafter.
If you love your work and are used to being in charge of your fate, sudden illness might seem like something to be worked around rather than something that might change your life – forever. Of course, we know there could be serious consequences if we persist in this kind or response, but logic doesn’t often rule at these times. What might be at cause here?
Real fear – we get pretty darned attached to our identities. Stopping to handle an illness, or making changes it may require temporarily strips us of who we’ve known ourselves to be.
Overly responsible – they can’t function without me syndrome (the same can arise at home with family)
Starting with a handicap – women often feel a need to overdo anyway, to prove they are strong, capable reliable team members (women in management and executive positions seem to be particularly susceptible to this)
It’s an interesting paradox when you think about it. In the long run it’s to our benefit to continue working (keeps us productive, connected with people and purpose, financially capable, etc.) but how do we do so without hurting ourselves? Don’t our bodies deserve a little consideration; don’t our souls need a little time for review and reflection, to learn what gifts might be hidden in the shadows of our illnesses. Maybe we can modify our approach.
Gone for treatments – reviewing my priorities – back tomorrow.
Be well,
Joan
Nancy Wechsler says
For those of us who have long term chronic disabilities, and are as used to having them as one can be, I feel, none the less that trying to decide HOW to give our bodies consideration– is still an ongoing difficult question. When am I too sick to go to work? What might make me feel physically better, might not be the same as what will make me feel emotionally better. So what do I decide to do? Stay home, go to work? Sleep a few more hours? Push myself to get up and get more done? Sometimes trying to decide just how much sleep I need is difficult. Am I pampering myself, is the medicine making me tired, is the illness making me tired, is the depression from having the illness making me tired? It is often hard (for me) to separate it all out. Most recently when I had a bad virus on top of having crohn’s disease and some other auto immune disease, I had a hard time distinguishing between them all, and ended up going back to work sooner than I should have. I ended up getting another virus that several people at work had. So then I missed additional days. By the time I saw my doctor I was starting to actually feel better, so that did give me some perspective that I was not always going to feel that bad. My illness had not slipped down a notch to a new and deeper level of fatigue on a permanent basis. That was an incredible relief. But this time around it took my doctor to tell me I had, unlike my usual self, underestimated how long the virus would take to get over and had gone back to work too soon. His suggestion that day was to start going back 1/2 days to get me up and out but not completely wear me out. It turned out to be a very helpful suggestion. And since I work part time, one I could do. That’s it for now. Nancy
Rosalind says
Dear Nancy,
Boy, do your words resonate! One of the many confusing aspects of this is trying to “tease” out what’s this illness from everything else. There are so many questions that we can ask ourselves just trying to figure out, “Should I get out bed today?” I think it’s hard but we have to remember, that in most (not all) cases, whatever we decide isn’t life threatening. The more we can normalize it all, the easier the decisions become. But, in the moment, it’s hard to remember this.
Warmly, Rosalind
Nancy Wechsler says
Rosalind,
You make a very good point when you remind me, and others that most often being tired or fatigued is not life threatening. I had a therapist who said that to me a long time ago and it is good to hear it again. While I took in what she said, I also replied to her, as I will here, that while being fatigued may not be life threatening, driving while being fatigued might be. And at that point in my life my commute to work as at least 40-45 minutes and involved either the Mass Pike or Rte 128. My current commute is very close by, so that’s a relief. But my job, being a bookkeeper, is one that demands precision, if not downright obsessive compulsion! Mistakes can be fixed, but in the system we use, nothing is easy– doing it correctly, or correcting an error. So sometimes I wonder, even if I can get up, and can get to work safely, will I be able to accomplish anything without spending another whole day repairing the damage I’ve done on this very fatigued day? But aside from my cynical, the glass must be 1/2 empty attitude from time to time to time, it is helpful to remember that fatigue is not life threatening. Thank you once again for reminding me.
Nancy Wechsler