I’ve been thinking a bit about what it takes to regain some control over your life and your future when you’ve been derailed by your body. Truthfully, it’s the same with any unexpected circumstance that suddenly changes everything. But we’re all here because our bodies have presented us with some life-altering challenges.
I’ve lost two jobs because of my illness. Yesterday, while thinking about what it might take to successfully negotiate with your employer so that you can remain a productive, contributing member of the business team, I realized that I may had more culpability in those two outcomes than I previously thought.
The first loss happened the first year I was sick. I was a store manager and training manager for a national bookstore chain. I’d been with the company over 6 years and especially loved training new managers. Shortly after I became ill I accepted a promotion to acting district manager, still responsible for the other two positions. It turns out that regardless of the other two positions my responsibility to keep my store running well was top priority. I didn’t realize this back then. Between juggling all three positions and two hospital stays that year I lost control of my store during the Christmas season. A new district manager was hired and within a couple of months I was relieved of my training position. I was crushed.
Upon new reflection, I can see my contribution to this outcome. Going for the gusto, I figured my employer would understand and give me some slack. I also think that if I’d been less eager and more realistic I might have declined the temporary promotion, or asked to be relieved of it once I realized how difficult it was to execute. (I was so sick that when I’d drive the company van to travel to another store in the district I’d drive with my arms resting on the steering wheel because I was so uncomfortable. Do you think that was a clue?!) In addition, I was running my store as I always had but didn’t have the same energy as before. I needed help and didn’t ask for it.
The second time I lost a job, I was sure my employer was in the wrong. I can see now that I didn’t step up to the plate and deal with the challenges. My direct boss was the CEO of the company. I was her executive assistant. When I was out sick a couple of times she said my failing was effective delegation. When I was gone she was impacted and I’d not set anyone up to help cover me. At the time, I was so intimidated and did not understand that even though I was her assistant I was a member of a larger team. I didn’t have the leadership skills or capacity to recognize that it was, in fact, my responsibility to be direct with my employer and ask for help. When I came back from a 10-day illness leave she let me go. She said it wasn’t working out. Today I have a little more insight as to why.
These are hard lessons to swallow, and some lessons can only come in hindsight. But, if we can remember that we can impact the outcome, perhaps we can muster the strength to be leaders in our cause and have the courage to help our employers help us.
Joan
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Diana says
Hi Joan,
Thank you for your post. I am very sorry for your experiences. You are amazing to be able to take the good from them and keep going. This is inspiring for me.
I have been very confused as how to handle my job “predicament”. My pancreatic pain has kept me from functioning for months now. I still have my job- I am a professor with a research lab. The people suffering the most are those working in my lab. I’ve made many mistakes in handling my situation over the past two years, and one woman is particularly bitter about the impact of my illness on her career, but I have also made some good decisions. I keep my lab members posted on what is happening, and I go to our weekly lab meetings no matter what; I think it is important that I remain somewhat of a presence.
I asked each member of my group to write up suggestions for how we may help each other through this time. This provided a lot of relief for everyone. And although they are getting very little feedback from me these days, they continue to send me their weekly reports, which at the very least serve as organizing tools for them. Some of them appreciate the opportunity for independence and leadership I have delegated. I think we are surviving through using our creativity in new ways.
The hardest lesson for me was to let go of everything external to my lab, all the things that help a professor advance in her career: Invitations to speak at universities and conferences, editorialships, serving on government granting committees, collaborations, etc. I feel that I am falling into a big black hole.
What will ultimately happen? I don’t know. I could lose the lab and my job in a couple of years if my health doesn’t improve. I’m likely to be hospitalized soon because the pain has become unbearable, and I am done with being polite towards my doctors and subscribing to their long-term treatment plans. If I should get my health back, I could make up a lot of ground over time because I’ve learned to separate the grain from the chaff. Through my illness, I have become a recovered workaholic, and I hope that if I get another chance, my life will have more balance.
A couple of days ago I woke at 5a with absolutely no pain. It was glorious. I enjoyed it for 20 minutes until I fell back asleep. The promise of a (partial?) return of health keeps me from quitting my job for now.
Diana